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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do you think anyone has a crush on you?

42 replies

Beanscene · 24/09/2023 20:56

If so how do you know?
Genuinely curious, I've never experienced any interest from others but wondering if am crap at reading signals. Am in a relationship so not looking but If you've asked me if anyone had ever found me attractive id say no... but I genuinely don't know.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 25/09/2023 07:28

Guy I used to work with it was obvious we had a mutual attraction. Lots of flirting, him joking about taking me to the theatre (when I said I was going that evening). It was pretty obvious the feeling was mutual and we did eventually hook up for a few months!!

Lana12345 · 25/09/2023 07:31

I used to k wow what that felt like…. But not for a long time 😂

MaudGonneOutForAFag · 25/09/2023 07:31

Honestly, they would need to communicate in semaphore, with flags:

I FANCY YOU.

Dayhee · 25/09/2023 07:34

A man at work always smiles at me when he sees me and noticed I had my hair coloured a slightly different colour the other day. He said it suited me. My DH hadn’t noticed I’d even had it done! Problem is I think the crush has the possibility to become mutual!

DoubleShitExpresso · 25/09/2023 07:59

If you go relatively frequently to a place where there are lots of people whom you get to see repeatedly there is a good chance someone somewhere has or had a crush on you.
It doesn't mean that the crush will be long lasting or that the person crushing on you will be your type, nor that they are obsessed with your or you are the only one they have a crush on. There are people who have a crush on multiple people at the same time. There are people who have a new crush every day or week.

The more attractive you are and the more people you are exposed to on a daily basis the more likely someone fancies you. If you drive to work, work with women or in a tiny office, don't go out, don't post much on social media publicly, who is going to find you?!

If you have an attractive personality or looks, and it can be just one thing like you are really kind or have very pretty eyes, someone could crush just for that one quality about you so you don't even have to be model level of hotness to have admirers.

I think the key giveaway to finding out if someone has a crush is if they treat you differently to others for no logical reason.

In the case of those who ignore you which can come across as hating you, you will find that when you talk to them they will seem nervously happy and they will go out of their way to help. If they are standoffish despite a crush on you, you don't want them anyway because they have a lot of emotional and social issues they need to work on and if they are otherwise confident but with you they are so closed off despite their crush on you then there is something about you that reminds them of a toxic relationship in their history so either way if you 'bring out the worst' in them or each other its not butterflies its your body sounding alarm bells,I think it's a trauma response maybe you look, sound or smell like someone they have unresolved issues with so don't worry about the ones who are too nervous nor about the crushes you were too nervous around that you closed off.. it was just a sign that you need to work on the issues you have be it fear of rejection or body image issues or attachment issues or inferiority complex.

A healthy crush feels good, you feel.excited not scared or worried around them, you feel.an inner peace not.stomach in knots.

PaintedEgg · 25/09/2023 08:08

Men are very oblivious! I harboured a really embarrassing crush on my husband for ages - one of those very obvious ones that would make even a teenager cringe. He didn't know. We went for a walk, sat together in a super romantic spot, while I was wearing great looking but very weather-inappropriate clothing (the sacrifices we make for love...). Nothing. He didn't realise 😂

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 25/09/2023 08:09

Ha ha, not a chance 😂

In my very limited experience, if a man fancies you they make it obvious by asking you out.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 25/09/2023 08:14

I think part of the problem is the technology led lifestyle. Dating is now online, you meet people online first, chat online first and then go on a date. The flirting in a cheesy club just doesn't exist anymore.

In work, people are more aware of boundaries and HR regulations courtesy of the Me Too movement, so there may be reticence there as well (I totally agree with this, but can see why it might stifle friendly flirting banter).

I do have one work friend who has told me he finds me attractive, and if I wasn't married........but he is respectful with it. But I'd be lying if I didn't find the attention nice, as a 42yo, slightly podgy Mum of 3 😁

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 25/09/2023 09:05

I know they do because they tell me when they’re drunk 😂.

Mummysgogetter · 25/09/2023 10:27

Intuition is key here. Sometimes, there are no signs that you can list word for word why you believe someone likes you, but something in your gut is telling you that they do.

uhOhOP · 25/09/2023 10:36

Catsafterme · 24/09/2023 21:00

No, you're not alone. Unless it's blatant I am totally clueless as to whether a woman finds me attractive or not. If someone is looking at me, I generally feel like I have something on my face and that's why.

Yes! I think the same, either I've got food on my face or soap in my ears! Then I'm off to check myself in the mirror as soon as I can.

AsYou82 · 25/09/2023 10:39

Not that I am currently aware, no but I have found in the past confident men tend to make it obvious enough to make me feel ick. Not so confident men are polite enough to be so subtle it’s not always obvious

Catsafterme · 25/09/2023 11:05

uhOhOP · 25/09/2023 10:36

Yes! I think the same, either I've got food on my face or soap in my ears! Then I'm off to check myself in the mirror as soon as I can.

Lol, yeah. I think for me that stems from childhood because I was basically invisible throughout, confidence maybe. I also always looked younger than I actually am and it's the same now. So when people now look at me it's the total opposite of what I'm used to and I also don't know whether they realise my age. Which sounds stupid because it probably is but feels weird in a way too.

@AsYou82 That's my problem, I see people I am attracted to but I don't want to give that impression or put them off. On the opposite side I don't know whether it's too vague but I would rather do that than give a woman the ick.

Ankerdam · 25/09/2023 11:28

DP's close friend, which is really quite awkward because I'm aware DP and said friend fell out years ago after he tried it on with DP's ex.

Said friend messages me daily, likes to meet up with me and compliments my looks/physique a lot.

SallyWD · 25/09/2023 11:55

I know people who have in the past. At the moment I can't think of anyone who might have!

LunaNorth · 25/09/2023 11:57

Men touch you when they fancy you. Like, on the arm or on the back, or nudging you with an elbow - not grabbing your boobs or anything.

It’s a dead giveaway.

uhOhOP · 25/09/2023 13:05

LunaNorth · 25/09/2023 11:57

Men touch you when they fancy you. Like, on the arm or on the back, or nudging you with an elbow - not grabbing your boobs or anything.

It’s a dead giveaway.

What do women do? 🤔 Asking for a friend...

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