Hi mumsnet, long time lurker, first post.
I met a guy in 2017 who I fell head over heels in love with, but he was going away with the army and we didn’t make a commitment. I waited for him and we kept in touch on his return. He’s always known how I feel and we’ve been in periods of contact over the years. In hindsight I think the reason that I’m still single almost 6 years later is because I always thought we’d end up together and nobody was him.
Last summer he reached out out of the blue after a year or two of not being in touch. We met for a coffee and at that point I genuinely felt that I had let him go in my mind and we could meet as pals. He said that he’d had a baby, I was shocked but he said he know it sounds awful but he was trapped. I jokingly asked if marriage was on the cards and he said absolutely not. He acted like he wasn’t in a relationship and we spent some time together. I was thrilled to be reunited and things were as great as I remembered. Very soon after he told me that he should try and focus on repairing the relationship with the baby's mum and that he wouldn’t see me again unless he was free. I totally accepted this as I said no way would I see him if he was with someone else.
Cut forward to almost a year later and we start to have lots of contact again. He pushes to meet and I start to dream that we could be more. We have spent a couple of months in daily contact and meeting a few times. He has been pushing to book a holiday. I’ll be totally honest I never outright asked what had happened, but assumed since he know my stance he must be available.
A week ago he was at my house and received a text from her whilst we were looking at photos on his phone. She called him babe and I recognised the name to one that I’d seen in his car when we first met. The penny dropped that he’s known her longer than me and they are together now. I called him out and he says says they haven’t been intimate for over a year as he doesn’t want to be with her in that way, she knows it but they are together because of his child who he wants to continue living with and have found a sort of routine.
I have gracefully bowed out as I won’t knowingly be the other woman. But I’m absolutely heartbroken. I feel that I have spent so long thinking that he was my ‘meant to be’ person and now I’m left with nothing. The idea that we’ll never see or speak to eachother ever again feels devastating. He said he is deleting my number as it’s the only way he can guarantee he won’t reach out to me and if circumstances were different we’d be together. I’m trying to put my big girl pants on knowing I’ve done the right thing, but it feels so hard. I feel lost, angry and can’t stop thinking about it all. I found her profile on Facebook after some intense detective work. I think I just needed to make her into a real person to give me the courage to end it. I won’t reach out to her out of respect for the child’s life and routine. But it feels like he gets to carry on with normal life, she’s oblivious and it’s me taking the brunt of the pain.
Some words of wisdom would be so welcome as I feel really foolish and really alone. Sorry for the essay!