Tips on getting over a relationship

[merchdrist]

My partner and I have just split up this weekend after 1 year. It was my first relationship after my marriage breakdown and I am shocked at how deeply I am feeling the breakup. The marriage was a slow fade and we stayed friends and so there wasn't a huge amount of shock or grief to work through. This relationship breakup though has me on the rocks, I feel utterly bereft and hopeless.

Please can anyone give me any tips on how to get through this. I am lost and feel overwhelmed and panicky at the thought it's over.

The first split after a long relationship is always the hardest. Probably because it also served to give hope for the future, pick you up when you were down from the past and help the ego feel good. All those things get a knock as well as just dealing with missing the person.
How hard the hit is can be related to how long the gap was between relationships. It's best if you take time to find yourself and give yourself these boosts rather than another person helping - but we've all been there, just takes time. Future break-ups, should they occur, won't feel as hard somehow.

The usual applies meantime. Keep busy, don't dwell, see friends, find what you like doing yourself or find a group of like-minded people to do stuff with etc.
Don't focus on the good times. The split happened for negative reasons, so mulling over that can be a learning experience. But ultimately, no point hanging onto someone who might not feel the same way or isnt right for you, as that is time wasting. So now you are nearer to a better future wither with or without someone- relationships not being mandatory at all.

Thank-you. This is so insightful and really helping me put my pain into context.

Yes, it's the loss of the belief that I can get out there and have another relationship and it not fall apart. I think I put too much pressure on myself to make it work, feeling it needed to be perfect.

Ultimately you are right, there is no point being with someone who doesn't want to be with me. It hurts though.