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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need help

7 replies

cloudxo · 24/09/2023 16:19

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years the first few years where good and I was so happy, and slowly things go worse, emotional abuse started, and has progressively got worse over time, he's always right, I'm always wrong, if I step out of line I get an ear full, the blackmail if I don't do something he will go out and get drunk, he hits himself and my walls when angry, doesn't work never has. We have two children together, he lives in my hometown 6 hours away from him own, I know what I've wanted for a long time but the fear of what he would do if I left is overwhelming, he loves his children to bits and would never just move back to his family without them.. and then another narrative plays in.. very recently (literally only 48 hours) an ex co worker (my old boss) has been in contact with me, he's always been attractive to me but I always kept my distance because I knew that was right, when we worked together it was always flirty and playful so I had to leave, but now, now I just can't hold myself back, he makes me nervous and excited, he gives me a thrill I've not felt in so long I've fallen apart sooo much over the year I'm so desperate for any type of attention and love. It's wrong but I'm trapped please leave advise. Please save the comments on how pathetic I sound, I'm a just a woman who is genuinely frightened to leave. I've been through enough trauma and stress to last me a life time and I'm only mid 20s I can't haddle anymore pain.

OP posts:
Iwillpassthanks · 24/09/2023 16:24

, I'm a just a woman who is genuinely frightened to leave

well yes but also

I’m just a woman having an affair with my ex boss

fiddlesticksandotherwords · 24/09/2023 16:26

Your boyfriend does not love his children to bits. If he did, then he would not abuse their mother. By abusing you, he is abusing them. You can be 100% sure that the children are suffering in this toxic household. For their sake (and yours), you have to get out of this relationship.

Although it is understandable that you are now emotionally starting to rely on someone else (who wouldn't feel that way after being treated like shit for so long), you can't go from one relationship to another. It would be disastrous.

Please seek support from womens aid, and your relatives. This man has to go.

cloudxo · 24/09/2023 16:27

Iwillpassthanks · 24/09/2023 16:24

, I'm a just a woman who is genuinely frightened to leave

well yes but also

I’m just a woman having an affair with my ex boss

I'm not having an affair. They are messages normal messages with a bit of flirt to them.

OP posts:
MariePaperRoses · 24/09/2023 16:28

Please for your own sake stop all contact with the ex box.

You may well genuinely like him or it's entirely possible because of your unhappiness with your husband and home life you are seeing your ex boss through rose tinted spectacles and as some kind of saviour.

Concentrate on fixing your life.

Sit down with your husband and tell him that you can't continue as you are and that you are deeply unhappy.

He is not a good father if he is being abusive o you and making you unhappy as your children will see his behaviour towards you and your sadness.

He doesn't have to live miles away if you split.

Do the right thing and address your home life.

Only once the dust has settled and you have split for some time should you consider another relationship.

BMW6 · 24/09/2023 16:29
  1. Forget about having a relationship with the ex boss. Cut all contact with him. Because
  1. You MUST break away from the abusive and violent man you are currently with before anything. You MUST do this for your children's sake - his violence and abusive behaviours are affecting them adversely.

He is harming them and you are harming them by staying with him.

Your children are the only thing that matters here. Their wellbeing must be your priority.

Nothing else.

Iwillpassthanks · 24/09/2023 16:30

You have resumed contact 48 hours ago Op

end the discussion

it is distracting you from the very real situation is that your marriage is rotten and your husband sounds very disturbing

Catsafterme · 24/09/2023 17:59

He won't change and as you've already seen it gets worse as time goes on. If he cared about you and the children he wouldn't be that way.

You're in your twenties, you have a whole life ahead of you. Get out and also stop whatever is going on with the ex boss, you're likely not in a healthy position to start something else and you will end up in the same cycle.

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