Do narcissistic abuser re-write history on purpose? What would actually happen if they actually told the truth?

[Ifyousayso1]

I just don’t get it.
My ex tells our daughter the most ridiculous un truths. I don’t even understand why it matters or why he feels the needs to. Eg he told her last week her first word was dada and he her first steps were to him. It’s simply un-true. We all laughed hysterically when her first word was the dogs name and she walked for her nanny. What’s the point in not saying the truth, it doesn’t make him look bad. I guess the lie makes him look better.

It bloody winds me up. The truth is a fact it can’t be changed for anyone’s benefit, that’s just lying isn’t it?

Interesting. I used to feel that my ex had no ego. He could be loud and gregarious and extroverted. But when left with himself he seemed to have no sense of who he was. Although I was quieter than him l, it used to feel that my very existence almost destroyed him. And anything that ever happened to him or that he did was my fault. I left him 12 years ago and have since married someone else, but he still won't stop trying to punish me in whatever way he can. My 19 year old DS said to me the other day, 'it's because he still blames you for his life being a mess.'

I had a narcissistic family member who lied constantly. Many of his lies seemed completely unnecessary, but they changed the narrative of the situation to either put more focus on him, or show him in a better light. He would frequently re-tell these stories, even in front of people who knew the truth. I don't know whether he actually believed his lies, but stating and repeating these stories meant that other people believed and remembered them, which made them as good as true in his eyes. I imaging this could be why OP's ex wants to create the narrative in his child's mind that her first words were his name and first steps were to her- he wants to make this her reality.

As an example, as an adult my family member often told friends and younger family members about the time he was in a school musical and had to stand in for the main role at the last minute. In his story, despite having an incredible audition, he was only given a small part because 'he was not one of the teacher's pets' but in rehearsals and at the first performance his brilliant acting meant that he stole the show. When the child with the main role became ill, the teachers pleaded with him to play the main role for the rest of the performances. He had to learn all the lines overnight and 'everyone' said what a fantastic performance this was. I was a similar age and at the same school and can say with certainty that this did not happen. He did once have a one-line part in a school musical and the child playing the main role did become ill but he was not asked to stand in. I did once challenge this and he became quite unpleasant until we 'agreed' that perhaps I just didn't remember it. Privately, other family members have agreed with me that this just didn't happen and he was a compulsive liar. The story was repeated so many times that it almost became part of his personality. It was even mentioned in the eulogy at his funeral.

Who knows, but other than deliberately causing chaos, being vindictive or stirring the pot, in their heads I think they can will reality to happen if they simply lie, that they create the truth with their words and intentions. Therefore if he decides her first word was 'Dada' then that is then what actually happened.

There are a few narcissists within my family.
The worst is a compulsive liar who tells everyone ‘she can’t lie’ - every time she lies and throws someone under the bus that’s how she starts her speech. On the occasions where she is caught out lying about someone she doubles down on her victim and says ‘well that’s what they told me’ - so not only does she slam the person, she then twists them into the liar. Cross her and you end up the victim of a lying smear campaign. I wish I knew why narcissists lie. From what I see I think it’s generally to either big themselves up and make themselves look like a hero or victim to garner attention, or it’s to destroy someone else’s reputation so that their victim no longer gets any attention. It seems to be always to keep themselves in the spotlight in some way.

it's because he still blames you for his life being a mess.

Yes, this is one of the many lies I think they tell themselves.

OP - I have come to the conclusion that yes, they do genuinely believe the lies they tell themselves - some of those lies are about what happened/should happen etc and sometimes they're not lies so much as a way of viewing the world that is just completely bizarre to any normal person. It's disordered thinking at a magnitude that none of us can actually understand. And if you or your DD push back on his version, that will further entrench the "victim" mentality that they thrive on.

Depending on your dd's age, relationship with you/her father, I'd be going with some version of, "silly daddy. He wishes that were true and it does make a nice story but I remember how much we all laughed at how you loved your dog sooooo much you even talked to her first. You were so cute". Because honestly, the version of the story where SHE is the main protagonist, is the one she'll like more! :)

They definitely interpret the world differently, through a warped lens. It took me a long time to realize they don't communicate or read things the same.

You could talk to them about something and the longer that sentence is, the more confused they get and they only hear parts. It's the same with messages, the longer the sentence the less that's taken in. A bit like skim reading but for hearing as well. If you keep sentences and messages short, they don't get as confused and there is less to twist. It's inherent they do it automatically.

For example, mine has accused me of being a certain way that paints them as the victim, based solely from one word in a long paragraph that with context says the total opposite. Third parties have raised it and then noticed this too, what was said wasn't bad at all. That one word was plucked out and a fantasy scenario was created around it.

Katie Price is a diagnosed narcissist (with one other personality disorder)

Her extensive dating and discard and punishment of ex's and kids is very public

Interesting the 0% accountability plus still attention seeking off them forever and different stunts .. all very public, best example I can think of. 20yrs of history.