Hot headed OH and parenting

[Cosmic657]

OH is at times hot headed, I’m always scared to have any sort of disagreement with him as he never sees my point of view and shouts me down.
He’s quite strict especially with the DC and tonight he walked into DD’s room and said it was a s**thole. She’s 8 and I don’t think using language like that should be allowed. Would other people with similar aged children agree with this? He’s then proceeded to ban her from the iPad and she’s become very upset. He had told her a couple of nights ago to tidy her room but she hasn’t done it as she’s had school and other things and is a normal 8 year old who forgets unless reminded a lot. I’m sat here feeling stressed out over the whole thing as the language thing has upset me and how hot headed he is, he’s taken to shouting at her as well if she doesn’t listen.
Is this sort of thing normal with 8 year olds and how to parent? Thanks

I don't have an issue with calling a room a shot hole, if that's what it looks like. She was told to tidy up and didn't and at 8, she knew she'd been asked. However you seem to be alluding to much worse behaviour in your post. I see nothing particularly wrong with the words or the punishment, but if you're concerned that you are all being verbally abused then that's a seperate issue you need to work out how best to deal with, if you're scared of him

Why are you allowing him to treat her like that? He sounds like a horrible bully.

I don't think that language is appropriate directed at a child. It's really aggressive.

You shouldn't be scared of your partner.

I’ve raised it with him and he really doesn’t see there’s anything wrong with it and it isn’t the first time this happened. I feel he has slight ocd traits and the untidiness just tips him over the edge.

Personally I don’t believe in shouting being your go to response in a house. The dynamic can become very unhealthy as a result. Because you end up being more lenient and softer with the kids because you see his response as disproportionate.

The biggest problem here is you described yourself as scared of him you won’t disagree with him. Is there more concerning behaviour here.

I just feel I can’t put my opinions across as he always talks me down

If you, a grown adult is scared of him then what must your 8yr old feel when he starts to shout at her?
He is a bully and being a hot head plays down the fact he is an adult that uses anger to get his own way, he is entirely responsible for choosing to be like this.

It's not OK and you should stop him from treating your child like this.

She's 8 not 18!

Horrible way to speak to a little girl.

I’ve raised it with him and he really doesn’t see there’s anything wrong with it and it isn’t the first time this happened. I feel he has slight ocd traits and the untidiness just tips him over the edge

That doesn't explain why you are allowing it to continue. You're her mother, you're supposed to protect her from harm.

Is he abusive to you?

We don’t speak to our kids like that. I’d be very upset with your dh.

This seems very controlling and he sounds like bully. I wouldn’t want to live like that and I certainly don’t think is acceptable for a child to.

op, can you talk about this in real life, with friends or family?

I don’t think ‘shit hole’ is a problem but the way he’s saying it. Coupled with an aggressive tone, I can see it being scary for an 8 year old & so I would tell him to pipe down & stop being a dick. Stand up to him.

Not OK.
He should educate himself on how a brain of a certain age works, and learn how to best give tasks. It is absolutely idiotic to "think" asking an eight year old to tidy up their room once is enough and it will be done. Then shouting at her for the room being a shithole.
Totally wrong and very hurtful to your little girl, who's distracted by school, friends, barbie dolls etc. He should guide her, so she learns. Not crush her spirit.