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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband behaviour

9 replies

MariaL40 · 23/09/2023 19:04

My husband says some horrible things to me and sometimes in front of our children.
My
children have now started to sound just like him repeating things word for word. I was wondering why on earth this happens ? They must know what he’s saying is malicious they’re 16´and 12

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/09/2023 19:07

They do not want to be on the receiving end of his abuse so abuse you by copying him. They are also likely to be both quiet and compliant around him. You do realise what he is doing to your kids as well as you is abusive.

Why are you with him?

What do you want to teach your kids about relationships and just what are they learning here?.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/09/2023 19:09

You’re also showing your kids this ill treatment of you from both their dad and in turn them is still acceptable to you on some level. That is no legacy to show them.

category12 · 23/09/2023 20:27

He's taught them to devalue and disrespect you, and from their point of view, it's safer for them to be on the side of the bully than the bullied. By staying when he treats you badly and tolerating his verbal abuse, you're showing them it's OK to treat you that way.

frozendaisy · 23/09/2023 20:43

This isn't love OP.

What is the point in staying in this situation.

cherry2727 · 23/09/2023 21:13

They must know what he’s saying is malicious they’re 16´and 12

He must know what he's saying is malicious - he's a grown man! It starts with him op! Not the kids fault !!

FinallyHere · 23/09/2023 21:38

They must know what he’s saying is malicious they’re 16´and 12

Just Wow.

Can you see that you are holding your children to a higher standard of behaviour than your husband?

What do you think that means?

Galectable · 23/09/2023 21:42

He is abusing you. You need to call him out on this. Either he changes or you will leave him.

theduchessofspork · 23/09/2023 21:44

Because parents are models for kids, and as he treats you like shit they are too.

I am really sorry OP, but it’s how it is.

Is there anyway you would consider leaving him.

Crunchingleaf · 23/09/2023 22:01

It’s a mixture of several factors OP.

Abuse is their normal. It’s what they have witnessed growing up and therefore they will continue this behaviour.

It’s safer to be on ‘his side’ so they aren’t on receiving end of it.

On some level they definitely know it’s wrong and this has probably traumatised them causing emotions such as anger. It’s is too dangerous to direct this anger towards him so they lash out at you.

Sometimes the children hold the abused parent responsible for the situation because they didn’t protect them by leaving. They might even have lost all respect for you.

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