AIBU

[Insanity23]

I woke up feeling really bad. Sad anxious crying headache etc. Probably perimenopause I have days like this when I just feel like I can’t cope.
i told my husband as we have his brother and wife coming over for lunch. I asked if we can rearrange. He said no ‘pull yourself together’ you need to not wallow and be sociable.
do I need to take a bath and make the effort or is it ok to not feel up to it?

I think it depends on how often this happens. I’ve had very awful anxiety that it’s crippling. It’s overwhelming and can take over. With the advice of my therapist, they said that at times my dh hd to be tough to be kind. That ‘forcing’ me to try carry on as normal was sometimes the best medicine for distracting the anxiety and overcoming it.
I was raging about this advice, firmly believed that anxiety doesn’t work like that and the person was clueless.
I found that when I was stressed, tired and had plans that my anxiety got worse. I did need days in bed, days on the couch and support from dh but other days I got myself up and decided I was doing what I had plans- it often meant I had to alter plans or take breaks etc but I felt better with it.

It depends on how regular this is and if you’re getting support from a gp and your dh?

Are his brother and wife awful people that spending time with them would be miserable?

Assuming they're quite nice people, and it's just that you're having a blue/anxious day, then I do think pushing through is the best thing. A couple of headache pills and a bath and making something of the day rather than letting anxiety win.

But, I'd expect him to be doing the lion's share of prep and hosting (or buying food in), when you're feeling unwell/fragile and it's his family.

It’s hard Op, I’ve felt like this before and wanted to cancel but then it’s never as bad as you’re fearing and often you do feel better for the distraction. Keep the meal but with the understanding that if you’re really struggling while they’re at yours DH will make excuses for you and you can head upstairs/they will leave early.

Yes it worked out ok. Just wallowing in my bad state. Pushing through is always the best medicine! Thanks for the replies.

Sorry to hear you had that rough time. It’s hard. But I do see that having someone to push you can actually be better than someone who says just give up have a break. Breaks when really needed by socials can be good for the soul

It’s tough indeed. But it’s life it’s what I tell my kids. Just in the clouded state of tiredness etc it’s easy to want to quit plans.

They are actually very nice and when I heard them arrive it pepped me up and I joined in. Worked out well. A short rest helped before they arrived- I feel like I overreacted now but that’s hormones for you.