I keep feeling like I want to leave but don't know if I'm overreacting.
DP has two kids from a previous marriage who we have almost half the time. He pays their mum three times the amount of child support that he is legally obliged to pay, which I admire and have never disputed. They have 4 holidays a year with their mum, and he takes them camping a few times a year. They're happy, healthy.
Since having our little boy, we've had problems. His guilt about not being at home with them went into overdrive on the first year and in DS's first month, one week he spent 6 days out of the house seeing the kids.
One example. I came down with campola bacta and was desparately ill for days - during which he took his kids camping 300 miles away while I looked after DS who at 10 months had just started to walk. I had no help and had to just lie on the floor, cramping and trying not to vomit, while he toddled around me. I couldnt eat for 10 days. I called DP on day 2 crying and saying I couldnt look after DS safely and asked him please to come home. He said he couldn't because the kids would be disappointed.
Financially it seems unequal. After having DS, I got statutory maternity leave for 9 months and then looked for a part time job (I was freelance before and worked 65 hour weeks, so had to change career). There were 6 months when I had no money coming in. During the whole time I paid half of the mortgage and bills, as I always had done before. I also bought most food shops (he has bought 6 in last 2 years), as well as all the baby's clothes and a few classes for DS. Planning for birth of DS, I'd spent a long time personally saving a lot of money, all of which I've spent.
I chose to go back to work part time so DS wouldnt be going into FT nursery at 1, and so I could spend time with him as he's going to be my only one. This means I currently earn much less than DP. We are trying to set up a joint bank account to cover bills, but although I propose I contribute 30% to his 70% to reflect our salaries proportionately, he gets extremely annoyed about this and says contributions would ideally be 50/50 but he'll accept 40/60.
He's just texted me to ask if it's OK to go on a holiday in January with the kids and his sisters family. He's not asked me to go, and I guess it'll be at least a couple of grand, which I can't afford anyway. Given we argued last winter when the house was 15 degrees and we had covid but he didn't want to put the heating on, or that when I do a big shop he disputes what I've bought and tells me I spend too much if i ask him for half the money, I find this really hard to make peace with.
It's also on top of the fact that he's away on a boys weekend this weekend, taking the boys away for a weekend to see a football match 200 miles away next month (which means I can't go on a girls weekend with my besties who I havent seen in a year), then taking them camping the month after. This leaves me looking after DS alone a lot. I love my time with him but it's not what I'm in a relationship for - to be alone most of the time. And before our wee boy we spent all of our time together.
I feel like there's not much respect or love for me in all of this behaviour. We've had couples counselling but it's not helped and I wonder if his baseline attitude towards me is sort of... un-live-able with! And then all of the worry that entails regarding DS.