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Original poster

Fwb situation

16 replies

inaconundrum23 · 23/09/2023 12:18

This topic might be triggering for some...

I have been seeing my fwb for 3 years now. It started out as just sex- more a fb situation and has naturally evolved over the years.
If I need someone/something he is always there, he's the person I want to share good and bad with... I'm in love with him and I think he is with me too but we have not said this to each other. We aren't some lovesick teenagers either, I am late 30's and he is early 40's.

I have 2 dc and he has none. I like my life as it is.
Yesterday I found out I'm pregnant. I never wanted more children, he always wanted children and has said that he can't dwell that he hasn't had children but may regret it in years to come.
I saw him last night/this morning and couldn't bring myself to tell him... I mean, what do I say "I'm in love with you and by the way I'm pregnant" ?!

My initial reaction on seeing the positive test was that I don't want more children, and I don't... but the thought of having HIS baby makes me more open to it.

I won't see him for a week or 2 now. Do I just go ahead and end the pregnancy without telling him? Shall I wait to see him in person to tell him or should I phone him? I don't really know what to say to him.
Please, any advice would be welcomed

OP posts:
Netcam · 23/09/2023 12:22

Very difficult situation. I think if you trust him and have a good relationship you should talk to him and let him know. How you work through this together will be a good indication of whether there could be a future together. And if you don't tell him and end the pregnancy, would the relationship as it is survive that anyway? Good luck xxx

Freezingcoldinseptember · 23/09/2023 12:23

Can you really take away the option to have a proper relationship and a dc without even a discussion? What Ifs are bloody awful ime op.

Original poster
inaconundrum23 · 23/09/2023 15:08

Yes I guess you are right. I think my biggest worry is things changing between us-in a bad way.

OP posts:
trickyex · 23/09/2023 15:11

I would talk to him and see where it leads.
It seems very wrong to end the pregnancy without any discussion IMO.
Perhaps give is a few days until you are more used to it?

Olika · 23/09/2023 15:11

It will change things but who says it isn't giving you exactly what you secretly want? I wouldn't terminate the pregnancy in secret unless you are absolutely sure YOU don't want this child.

something2say · 23/09/2023 15:16

I would break down in tears and tell him you are pregnant. He will then want to discuss it and you can then use that opportunity to explore your genuine feelings for him and his for you. Yo say he is there for you a lot and you're falling in love - I'd give him the chance to be who you want him to be. You never know, you could end up with a partner and a new baby, or a partner and no baby, but still him as a partner.

rwalker · 23/09/2023 15:20

I’m going to be harsh if you were going to go into a relationship it would of happened by now

EVERY aspect of your set up will change

I think the idea of kids to him and the reality will be 2 different things
yours are at teenage stage your get your freedom back and pleasing yourself
couldn’t think of anything worse than starting again

make your mind then tell him tbh this could be the end of the set up ether way

GoodNightsSleep · 23/09/2023 15:22

If the connection between you is as strong as you say then I think that you have to tell him that you’re pregnant. The decision on how you proceed is going to be yours but you really need to at least involve him in any discussion and decision. If you have a termination and never tell him it will change your relationship and could be the end of it if he finds out later.

BananaSlug · 23/09/2023 15:25

Also agree that if it was going to happen it would have by now, it’s 3 years! He is early 40s doubt he is wanting to have a newborn 🫣 love all these comments about how he will suddenly want to be with you and settle down with a baby but let’s be realistic if he wanted to be with you he would have and I would wonder if he only wanted to for the baby after 3 years.

Original poster
inaconundrum23 · 23/09/2023 19:29

Appreciate the replies. I don't have my head in the clouds I'm well aware it might not be the happy ever after story... heck, I'm not sure that is MY happily ever after Confused
I have been the driving force behind it not being 'more' I like my life, not sure I want to live with/have a baby with someone... but if I were then it would only ever be with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
inaconundrum23 · 23/09/2023 19:31

But I don't think I can keep a secret like this from him so I will tell him about the pregnancy at least

OP posts:
anomaly2 · 23/09/2023 19:31

something2say · 23/09/2023 15:16

I would break down in tears and tell him you are pregnant. He will then want to discuss it and you can then use that opportunity to explore your genuine feelings for him and his for you. Yo say he is there for you a lot and you're falling in love - I'd give him the chance to be who you want him to be. You never know, you could end up with a partner and a new baby, or a partner and no baby, but still him as a partner.

Why are you suggesting the op break down in tears? You mean on purpose? Like a hapless female? Good grief

Fiery30 · 23/09/2023 19:35

Please tell him and have a honest conversation. It might all be positive but don't hide your feelings. What is the point? If you love him, you love him. Why hide it as if its something wrong? Own it!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/09/2023 20:02

Oh I think you have to tell
him and discuss x

good lick with whatever path it is

Changedname23 · 23/09/2023 23:10

Just tell him and take it from there

Notamum12345577 · 03/04/2024 20:12

inaconundrum23 · 23/09/2023 19:31

But I don't think I can keep a secret like this from him so I will tell him about the pregnancy at least

So what happened?

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