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Original poster

Acts interested then disappears

6 replies

adviceneeded91 · 23/09/2023 10:13

Hi guys,
I met a guy about a few months ago through work, we swapped numbers and in the beginning we would text almost every day and talk on the phone. He would text me from morning, throughout the day until night. The conversations started as general (work etc.) but became very flirty. We met for coffee a few times and got on well in person, conversation flowed, lots of laughs etc. However, in the last few weeks, something has changed. He will text me first, ask how I am, and then not reply for hours or sometimes days, and will randomly start a new conversation days later. Why bother texting in the first place? This has become the pattern over the last two weeks, and there’s little communication from him on weekends either.
It's like one minute he’s acting really interested in me, then it’s sporadic texts, then it’s back to being interested again, so I just don’t know where I stand. Should I bring it up with him? As we’re not official I don’t want to appear too clingy either. Any advice is welcome.

OP posts:
category12 · 23/09/2023 10:18

He's simply checking you're still on the hook should he want you.

Stop allowing yourself to be treated like a toy he can pick up and put down whenever he likes, it looks desperate and means he will have no respect for you.

Just block him and delete him. Ask yourself why you're seeking crumbs from some jerk.

BMW6 · 23/09/2023 10:23

He's enjoying his power. Keeping you dangling.

Just block his number and don't give him another thought.

If you can't do that them his ploy is working.

anareen · 23/09/2023 10:27

adviceneeded91 · 23/09/2023 10:13

Hi guys,
I met a guy about a few months ago through work, we swapped numbers and in the beginning we would text almost every day and talk on the phone. He would text me from morning, throughout the day until night. The conversations started as general (work etc.) but became very flirty. We met for coffee a few times and got on well in person, conversation flowed, lots of laughs etc. However, in the last few weeks, something has changed. He will text me first, ask how I am, and then not reply for hours or sometimes days, and will randomly start a new conversation days later. Why bother texting in the first place? This has become the pattern over the last two weeks, and there’s little communication from him on weekends either.
It's like one minute he’s acting really interested in me, then it’s sporadic texts, then it’s back to being interested again, so I just don’t know where I stand. Should I bring it up with him? As we’re not official I don’t want to appear too clingy either. Any advice is welcome.

Do not bring it up with him. Do not engage with him anymore. Sounds like he's using his tactics on someone new. You were new for only a couple months then he is on to the next but checking in to see where you still stand. Toxic and narcissistic. Run far away

LBFseBrom · 23/09/2023 10:36

I think you are reading too much into this light relationship, he regards you as a friend and would probably be horrified if he realised how you felt.

If you are wanting a meaningful relationship, look elsewhere. There are plenty of fish in the sea,

Dery · 23/09/2023 10:37

@category12 and @BMW6 have nailed it. Take back your power. This guy’s not for you. Block him and forget about him.

One thing strikes me about communication amongst younger people now (I’m in my 50s) is that too much chat is done before actually meeting. It feels like young women sometimes get drawn into flirting even sexting, thinking it means more, and then it turns out that they’ve hardly met in person if at all.

Don’t do that. Don’t be so quick to give so much of yourself away. Value yourself. If he wants flirty texting, then he needs to earn it. Meet you in person. Make an effort. He needs to earn your flirting and your time and attention.

And be aware that men - even the decent ones - will lie about their love lives. They will say what they think will get you comfortable with them and what they think you want to hear, rather than the truth. He’ll tell you you’re the only one - not that he’s doing the same with a number of girls - but you’re clearly not the only one. If you were, he’d be meeting you in person.

Changethechannels · 23/09/2023 16:16

I am not a particular genius when it comes to these things but I can tell you that no man in the history of time who ever did that worked out for me. They always ended up to be some form of fuckwit.

The relationships I have had, they always called. There was never any hot and cold. That's always a sign he's not interested or attached or in some way a complete moron.

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