Taking it slow

[jasper333]

Seeing a guy for a month now, see each other 2/3 times a week. We have kissed, not snogs, but more than a peck. We've slept in the same bed once but I was on my period so knew we wouldn't have sex but he was very reserved, I had to cuddle up to him. I have later found out that that was the first time he shared a bed with a woman in nearly 2 years.

He is a gentleman, looks after me when we're together and when we're not.

At the moment it feels like we're friends because we haven't slept together. I've been stuck in a cycle of attracting toxic men who I've had intense relationships with and ended up getting hurt. Always had lots of sex from the start.

This is like the opposite and because there's no immediate lusting after each other, I feel worried that we don't like/fancy each other but I know that we get on really well and I feel really good when I'm with him.

Is it ok to start a relationship slowly like this and develop feelings for someone before you've slept with them? What if when we finally sleep together it doesn't feel right and we've wasted this time?!

Also, if you're highly compatible in other ways, you can often become compatible sexually if things aren't perfect at the start (though not always)...

It doesn't really work the other way round though.

OP regardless of how long you wait for sex you should feel some kind of attraction and sexual tension in the beginning of a relationship.
If you feel like you're only friends it will unlikely get better unless all you want is practical companionship.
I think long term relationships can be hard and having mutal attraction and fond memories /history together really helps.
It's very common for people who have been in toxic /overly sexual relationships to come to the conclusion that now all they need is kindness, honesty and no drama when in reality this a minimum requirement for long term partnership.

It's also possible that you are somehow wired to be physically attracted to toxic people and in that case some therapy would be helpful.

Just to update that we did go to bed together and can safely say the relationship has progressed I think im learning what healthy love and relationships look like, finally. Just took to the age of 39!!

I was born in the 1960s. When it came to dating this was perfectly normal.

Sounds like he is respectful and happy to get to get to know you really well before having sex/making love.

Glad things are working out for you both 🙏

Im same as you OP. I was treated horrendously by my ex and others. I used to sleep with them early on.
Now i dont, i explain i am taking next relationship slower and i won't jump into bed with them until i get to know them better, i am protecting myself, it is first time i have thought of myself and my needs and im not stopping now. Ive noticed my confidence is better and saying what i do or don't want. If they want more sooner then theyre not for me.
If i end up single im fine with that.

They look like 'You being happy, and leaving without self criticism if you find you're not.'

It really is that simple. Have fun (sounds like you are!) 😀