Living separate whilst pregnant and post birth

[Jadel26]

I need some advice. Me and my partner have lived together for a year. I got pregnant and then I went into a hostel looking for council accommodation as I lost my job and my health declined. whilst my partner went back to live at his mums. The idea was once I was housed we would move back in together in our new home. My partner however applied to the council for housing whilst I was also waiting on housing. He has just been given the keys to his own 1 bed flat whilst I’ve just been offered a 2 bed house. My partner is set on this flat being his main home. And how he would spend some time at the house and spend time with the baby but ultimately his main home will be at his new flat. I don’t know how I feel about this. Im currently 28 weeks pregnant so not too worried right now. But once I’m about 37 weeks I will want him with me every night and then following the birth I will want him with me for support and help. What do I do? I don’t want to seem controlling by telling him he has to spend every night at the house with me from 37 weeks pregnant till our daughter is at least a month old but I’m worried he will not see how important it is to spend that time together. I also don’t want to raise our daughter living in two homes? Me and him are still together and haven’t broken up but why should we live separately? What should I do.

Your council is very generous!

This is very weird. If you're in a relationship and having a baby then in the absence of exceptional circumstances (e.g. he's in the army and has been deployed somewhere, or he can't get a visa to live in the UK), you should be living together.

It sounds like he's not very committed to the relationship and to your child.

Please give the baby your surname.

I’d love to know where in the country has such short waiting times.

However I’d class this as a stroke of luck. He’s telling you clearly he doesn’t want to be with either you or the baby full time. Focus on single parenting. That’s what he’s telling you.

Which council is this?? I've got to wait up to six YEARS!!

Keep the house.

Which council is this?? I've got to wait up to six YEARS!!

Keep the house.

And if he is living separately claim child maintenance

Me too.

Well that’s how committed he is to you and his child. Give the baby your name, claim maintenance from him once the baby is born, and start asking him how he intends to parent and do his share of night feeds etc.
Does this man even work?

He’s telling you that you’ll be the default parent and he will pop in and out when it suits him.

He wants to have his bachelor pad like he's single but avoid giving you any money for the baby under the guise you're still together.

Screw he already has one foot out the door, he has his own bloody house!

You're a single parent. Act accordingly.

He's telling you that he doesn't see you as a partnership. He wasts to date - to have you available, to drop in on, do cute stuff with baby, then leave. So he can live his single life, have peace and calm and a full night's sleep. While you willbe exhausted, recovering from birth, doing ALL the parenting.

Don't accept his pathetic dregs. You and your child deserve better. Accept the relationship has run its course and start to see him just as baby's father.

Which means he needs to step up. Contribute equally financially to the baby's upbringing, and be present as a parent. Not just the fun stuff, but the real life stuff.

And I beg you - don't give your baby his surname. Do the traditional thing, which is for baby to have mum's surname. And in your case, the surname of the person who will be doing 99% of the caring.

You deserve better,