Working the weekend- rightly suspicious or paranoid?

[ROCDsufferer]

I have the feeling I am over reacting and being paranoid, due to a trigger caused my by ex who was cheating (one of his excuses was working).

Earlier in the week my partner of 5 years said his work wanted him to work 6-10am on Saturday, but they are all trying to get out of it and hopes the boss forgets about it.

He's been at this job for 7 months and worked over an odd hour in the week if he's got stuck in traffic, or gone in early, and he's mentioned others doing odd Saturdays and him turning down a couple of Saturdays, so it's not completely out of nature for his job to ask this occasionally.

However it still crossed my mind 'what if it's an excuse to cheat?' I had decided I was going to drive by and check his car was there as I needed to go a shop close to his work anyway. (I know this is wrong but it was to prove to myself that I am right to trust him and that he's gone to work. This would be the first time i had ever done this and i still wasn't 100% sure whether to go through with it.)

Now he has told me that the bosses didn't mention it, so he asked a colleague if he was still doing Saturday and he said 'no there's not much do, we can all just come in half an hour early on Monday'.

Now I'm wondering if the change of plan to not go in work on Saturday is actually because the plan to meet the other woman has fell through?
Is this reasonable or am I being paranoid?
How would you feel/ react if this was partner?

There is no other suspicious behaviour (I can't really say this is suspicious as he acted completely normal during both conversations about it). I had serious trust issues when we got together because of my ex. I went to therapy and 99% of the time I am fine, but certain things (like this) will trigger my trust issues/ fear of cheating.

Would this trigger a completely logical person's thinking?
I feel I should let this go and let my guard down, but I struggle to tell a paranoid thought from a rational thought, so reaching out will hopefully help me see how other more rational people see situations and I can keep building on trusting my own judgements (something my ex completely destroyed)

Thank you

You are being completely paranoid. If he's never given you any reason not to trust him then you need to trust him.

I would gently suggest that maybe you're not in the right place for a relationship if this is your reaction to what sounds like a fairly run of the mill event of someone being asked to work a weekend shift.

@Sanch1 thank you. It just hit me as it's the first Saturday in 5 years (7 months in a new job) that he's ever mentioned having to work, so I jumped to the what ifs

I’ve never cheated on anyone, but if I was going to, it sure wouldn’t be something I’d schedule in for 6am on a Saturday. Surely most people would rather be at home in bed still! I suspect he has to actually work and you are being paranoid.

You are being totally paranoid. What kind of cheating could someone realistically get up to between 6am and 10am on a Saturday morning??!

@mynameiscalypso i don't really think you have the right to judge if I should be in a relationship as you don't know anything about me or my partner or past. I asked for advice/ reassurance on the question asked, nothing else, so please don't answer a different question and judge whether I should be in a relationship.
Thank you.

It's so difficult. I've had the same experience with an ex, noticed loads of things which could have meant cheating but always gave him the benefit of the doubt thinking he would never do that to me. Turns out he had a harem going on behind my back

There's a few options in my view

1. Talk to him about your concerns & see how he reacts, his language, behaviour, body language etc
2. Try to self regulate when you get triggered to calm yourself down
3. Do what you did before to check he is where he said he would be
4. End it because you shouldn't be with someone who is triggering you in this way

I feel for you & I would be exactly the same

But this isn't really a fair situation in your partner is it? You don't trust him. You were going to drive by to check up on him. That's not healthy behaviour. I've been cheated on (very extensively) in the past so I know how it can effect you but I chose to trust my DH. If you can't trust your partner, it's a poor basis for a relationship.

It’s not exactly unheard of for cheating partners to visit their lovers early in the morning before work, exactly because it wouldn’t sound suspicious. A friend of mine did exactly that. But on this occasion the OP is being entirely paranoid. You’re not ready for a relationship. It must feel like torture for you. If it’s not this issue there’ll be other matters that will rouse your suspicion.

Oh I don't know... there's always been gossip about the milkman....

seriously OP, this is beyond paranoid. You need to get some help if your mind leaps to this conclusion based on one extra bit of work. You can't suspect everything that is out of the usual and expect the relationship to survive.

I think when he says he is working he actually is working. My DH goes for extra night shift on some Friday nights when they are busy and I would never think it was a lie.

Pp I get where you are coming from but we don't know her past why she finds it difficult to trust,its not for anyone to say if she should be in a relationship or not,OP do you think you might benefit from some counselling so you can explore those issues around mistrust,or if you are feeling confident maybe talk to your partner about how you are feeling maybe he can provide some support,is that an option?