Telling DS about split

[MistyBay]

I am preparing to tell my DS who is 15 that his dad - STBX - has new flat and is leaving us next weekend.

Me and DS are on our own this weekend as STBX is off on some sort of midlife crisis weekend. It's Friday night and I want to tell him at dinner. I cannot face STBX coming home on Sunday and us pretending everything is normal; until we get ourselves together and tell him later in the week. I just think tonight is the time. That way he has my undivided attention all weekend and also no school to face if he's upset. I will encourage him to call his dad once I've told STBX so that he can hear what he has to say.

Am going to say it's mutual, which it is, and amicable so there isn't really any drama or pain from our POV. I appreciate STBX isn't around but I want DS to have the weekend to get used to the idea and then he can talk to his dad about it for the days running up to STBX's leaving.

STBX by the way doesn't seem to care much about this part of the separation. He's far more intested in getting to the interesting bits of his new life. He instigated it. Thinks DS will 'shrug it off'. Idiot.

Am I doing the right thing?

I think it's a good idea to do it now, before the weekend, so he has time to process it and ask you questions, call his Dad, etc.

Good luck, OP.

I think you should go ahead. You cannot tell on Sunday as he has school on Monday. Good luck!

Yes! I think you are approaching it perfectly, you sound far more likely to be able to have an emotionally attuned conversation with your son than your STBXH ever sounds like he would be able to, or be interested in! Far better for you to do it now and surround your DS with all he needs - good luck xx

I have had to have a few very serious conversations with my teens in recent years (different subject to do with bad health). What has come from this is all appreciate age appropriate honesty, time to digest and subject to be checked in on at a later point (but not asked to discuss constantly). I think your doing the right thing. Don't lie as it'll come back on you rather than ex. My youngest aged 14 said 'I'd rather know the truth than worry about what your not telling me, because I always imagine worse'.
Best of luck, your dc will appreciate you in the long run.

Wow wasn’t expecting that. Was scolding myself for being selfish and not sticking to plan. But maybe my gut instinct is right. And yes, this is less dramatic than facing both of us at once. And I know my STBX will cry and make it worse. His absence this weekend will give DS some space to process too.

thank you guys.