sister moved in

[dazdaz2]

My sister and 10 year old have moved in to my 2-bed maisonette until they find a place to rent. It may take a few months before they move out again. I'm happy to help and have them and my sister has been such a support when ever I needed her, never complaining, never judging.

but I find myself becoming the grumpy aunt, judging and being annoyed. I also feel the house is falling apart as sister and 10 year old are so careless/sloppy. The list is endless:

1. Bathroom mats soaking wet (do they bath with shower screen open?!)
2. Fridge door opened umpteen times a day
3. doors always slammed shut (windows rattle)
4. high condensation due to forgetting to turn exhaust on
5. forgetting to turn off exhaust fan once turned on
6. their room's a tip with clothes everywhere
7. washing piling
8. washing not brought in
9. bed never made
10. toys on the sofa
11. books strewn
12. plates not cleared
13. eating without table mats
14. drying half wet clothes on chairs
15. the list goes on....

every time my sister cooks (she has offered to make dinner and breakfast most days), I find my self 'interfering' - can you make sure the cutlery is wiped dry before storing it away? do you mind wiping away spills as soon as it happens? do you really need to use 5 dish clothes a day? can you use a wooden spoon on the non-stick pans? can you close the bin once you've used it? can you wipe the granite dry because the water may seep into the induction hob and mess up the electrics (I already had this happening)....

Am I being unreasonable? how to I stop nagging? The house is a tip and its driving me nuts

Oh god I feel anxious just reading this OP. I couldn't live like that for months on end. Can you sit them down and set out a few rules ... would they listen? So difficult.

Don't think sharing your home is for you.

I'd try to decide which housework issues are really important to you, then halve the list, possibly halve it again, then ask them to stick to those rules.

Don't watch them cook. Go out a lot. Help them house-hunt.

Yeah this is a two-sided coin. My dh is a nag and a nitpicker like you whereas I am the sloppy sister. The two approaches don't rub along well in my experience.

I often have to ask dh to go away, find something else to do, mind his own business when either I or one of the kids (all older now) are undertaking something...he interferes, criticises, makes demands on how we do things and generally gets on everyone's tits.

was she like that in her own house? Is there nowhere else for her to stay? why did she leave her home knowing how difficult it is to find a rental? I doubt very much that she is seriously looking for a home if she is being mollycoddled by you!

But you are partners in a shared home, presumably? This is a very different situation. If you're a long term guest, you need to take more care.

I'd sit down together, all three of you and talk about how to make the living situation sustainable.

At least a third of your list, I wouldn't expect the majority of people to do straight away automatically and it sounds as though your sister is sloppier around the house than you are so you're very different. There are also things that only you will know about your kitchen, like it wouldn't occur to me re a bit of water seeping into the induction hob.

Having said that, if someone was doing me the favour of allowing me to live there with my child, I would be doing my utmost to try and keep their house in the way to which the host is accustomed. I think it's only fair given the huge favour you are doing for your sister that she and her DC keep your home as you would, perhaps with the exception of keeping their room tidy. I think I'd just close the door on their room and ignore it.

1. Bathroom mats soaking wet (do they bath with shower screen open?!) Reasonable to ask they lift the mats to dry
2. Fridge door opened umpteen times a day. Unreasonable. Chill out.
3. doors always slammed shut (windows rattle) Tolerate.
4. high condensation due to forgetting to turn exhaust on
5. forgetting to turn off exhaust fan once turned on Better it's used than not, no?
6. their room's a tip with clothes everywhere Close the door and don't look in
7. washing piling Put in their room
8. washing not brought in If its their washing, let it stay out
9. bed never made Close the door
10. toys on the sofa Have a box and scoop them in
11. books strewn Have a box and scoop them in
12. plates not cleared Ask them to clear
13. eating without table mats Is your table damaged by this? If so, insist or put thick tablecloth down. If not, is it worth nagging over?
14. drying half wet clothes on chairs if it's in the main living space, not OK, if it's in their bedroom, close the door
15. the list goes on... try to not sweat the small stuff

I ve ticked 9, 10 and 13 as thing that we do.
I always leave the bed refresh during day and do it just before going to bed unless is the day I changed the bedding

Toys are everywhere.
We don't use table mats.

I think your sister and you have a very different tidy/cleaning standards. Speak with her and find a ground when you can both work nicely.