Husband's gambling - think I'm done

[Draigwen]

We lost our home 12 years ago due to husband's gambling debt (I also have 25k from uni). We had two toddlers at the time. We worked through it and have paid it off using an IVA. It was tough but we got through it.

We're still renting but had managed to save £50k and are due to move to a nicer (but more expensive) rental home next month.

I've noticed some long absences over the last month. I did a credit check and yesterday, I discovered that he's got 30k on cc and everything has gone from the savings other than the kids' accounts which are held in my name.

I feel very calm but the rental deposit has gone and I'm out of work at the moment to finish my masters. I've spoken to recruiters and should be able to get back into the job market pretty quickly.

The credit cards can be paid back with effort over a few years but I feel like I'm done. We've been together for 18 years. I don't even feel mad but I can't trust him. Just sad for my children. To be honest they're the reason we're still together. If I can hang on 10 months then my son will finish high school and I could potentially more closer to my family.

Would interested to see if there are any other partners that have gone through this.

It's just such a mess :-(

So has he confirmed gambling debt?

Well you can't trust him. At all. Even when he says there's no more debt. Addicts will say anything to maintain access to their supply - that's adddiction, unfortunately.

See a solicitor as soon as you can.

Please don't feel stupid or a failure, this is not your fault. Gambling is just so awful, it's my complete red line - had an ex who gambled it just destroys lives. Really hope you can leave and rebuild. I found the peace and freedom of getting away from the hell with my ex worth the trouble of separating. Not easy but you deserve to not discover drained bank accounts (and it will continue to happen) x

OP I would be done too, this is an absolute deal breaker 😪

@Draigwen you have been a loyal, loving and supportive partner but you were never going to win. Your DH is an addict and this makes him base level selfish and unable to see beyond his own wants.

He won't ever change. He has not sought out treatment nor taken ownership of his addition. Instead he continues to lie, gamble and manipulate.

Let him go. Don't cling on in the hopes your love can change and overcome all because it just won't.

Lock down your own personal credit and your children's as well. Don't assume your addict DH won't use the teenager's details to open credit accounts. He absolutely will.

Get your name in with the council for housing in the area where you feel you will have support and the kids will thrive. You can explain you are leaving your partner and will have nowhere to go once the current lease is up. It may take them some time (10 months is okay to wait while DC finishes school) to find you somewhere. Once you are single again with no joint accounts, you can apply for UC and any other help you are entitled to.

Free yourself now. Its never going to get better.

He's gambled away £80k? Oh you poor thing 😕

Can i claim money back of bank

No. You are responsible for your own gambling

@Draigwen
Since this thread has resurfaced, if you're there, how are you?