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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help I am so unhappy

1 reply

rosesarered94 · 22/09/2023 08:18

Supposed to be getting married in 10 weeks but partner has been awful since we had our second baby in January. He's struggled hugely with lack of sleep which has made him very grumpy, we started arguing all the time and he says horrible things. I'm a SAHM and all week I have been very unwell, I've managed to take care of our 3 year old and 7 month old but today struggled to get out of bed, I am immunosuppressed so struggle a lot when I am unwell. I begged him to please stay home to help look after the kids because I can't (we have no other childcare - one set of parents live away and the other work full time no siblings to help either) and he said 'so because you don't want to be a mum today I have to drop everything'

I felt crushed. He worked from 6am until 9pm last night and plans to work today, tonight, Saturday and Sunday as well as his normal shifts next week. Next weekend he's going to Cardiff for the half marathon and then the following weekend he's on a 4 day stag do. I simply get no break or rest from our children and I am becoming deeply unhappy.

Was it wrong of me to ask him to stay home today and help? I feel like I've done something wrong but I just need some rest as I feel so ill.

Since our second child has been born I need to really badger him to help me out with things and he sees it all as an attack and that I just have a go at him. I find it very immature and unattractive and although I don't want to leave him I don't think I can do this anymore. Im trying to tell myself we're in a hard stage of our lives parenting two very young children but he can be so difficult and not work with me. I don't want my children to see their mum unhappy or think that's okay. But I'm a SAHM how on earth would I even support them or start again? I have no money to pay our mortgage or anything.

I don't really know what I'm looking for here I guess - perhaps I just needed a rant I don't know. I don't know what to do or how I feel anymore.

OP posts:
Imnoonesfool · 22/09/2023 08:28

you are in a really tough stage of your relationship, having young children and the transition into being parents is hard HOWEVER it is made 10000% times harder if you are not doing it as a partnership and there is NEVER an excuse for cruel behaviour

You have to sit down and communicate calmly how unhappy you are with hiw things now are between you, he clearly is unhappy too. People loose sight of what is important and resentment , tiredness etc set in and it becomes a competition on who has it worse who is more tired etc etc . you may find that together you can make the changes you both need to. Communication is key

otherwise I would say do not marry him

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