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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I crazy for hurting??

2 replies

lurker1000 · 21/09/2023 23:59

When does the heartache ease??? I’m in the early days of a break up. Husband is moving out - his choice - he’s a gambler (been off bets for a year and celebrating this next week at GA) but he is indescribably angry that I didn’t share my inheritance with him and his son (I got last year in midst of his gambling and put away for our two kids).

his anger over this has always been there and now he is moving out. But for the last two month, he hasn’t spoken to me, helped with kids, contributed to mortgage, bills, food. When I bring this up or am upset I’m told that I’m mental and it’s my fault that he is leaving, I’m a horrible person who only thinks of herself and our two kids. It’s just horrible in the house - we live in separate rooms, I think he’s moving in two weeks but he won’t confirm this. I’ve asked if we can tell the kids together but he said no because he will handle it better. He’s started removing things from the house now (small things like Alexa etc).

he’s really good at being the nice guy to everyone - but to me, he’s just unbelievably cold. We can’t have a conversation without him calling me names. When I try to challenge him on something he doesn’t like he will film me on his phone so that he is recording how mental I am. It is breaking my heart how he can just flick a switch and turn off any responsibility. ( apparently he can’t pay bills because he needs money for new home, he can’t help with kids because he’s in self preservation mode).

I’m outwardly confident and no one knows what’s going on but I’m slowly, slowly falling apart. I don’t know why I’m posting - just feel that I need to know this gets easier.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 22/09/2023 07:27

If he’s moving out voluntarily, instead of staying and making your life a misery, he’s possible got someone to go to.
Just hang on until he’s gone. Try not to say/do anything to give him an excuse to have a go. You’re well rid.

lurker1000 · 23/09/2023 16:33

So update - I think that he is back gambling. I could be wrong but my gut tells me that is where he is disappearing and why there is no money. It also explains why he has been so vile.

im so unbelievably done and hurt. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m in limbo because I’m waiting for him to go - whilst frantically juggling work, kids, money etc. I’m going to struggle to pay mortgage, council tax unpaid now and I’m solely paying for our kids, there is no communication at all, he won’t engage or speak.

how long can this go on for??

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