Hi all,
I'm having a bit of a crisis ATM. Along with some doubts about a new job I've just started, I'm now having doubts about the relationship I'm in. I should add that I suffer from anxiety in general and am a chronic insomniac so perhaps it's in my nature to overthink and doubt anyway!
I'm in my mid 40s and in a relationship with a genuinely lovely, kind and understanding guy. We've been together just over 2 years and prior to that, I'd had several relationships, most of which were short-term although I did live with a previous partner for 2 years. I've had a couple of relationships that weren't good for me and it wasn't until I met my current partner that I learned what it was like to be treated with genuine love, admiration and respect and feel like someone really had my back. What's the problem you may ask? Well, I'm not really sure if I fancy him anymore. What initially attracted me to him was his personality-he made me laugh and I felt he was a tonic compared to past boyfriends. He also has emotional intelligence in spades, something which previous boyfriends lacked. However, we've been unable to have a 'normal' sexual relationship because he has an unusual and rare condition, it's called 'Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome' which in a nutshell affects your genitals and sometimes means that people have both male and female genes. In my partner, his penis didn't fully form in the womb so he had to have skin grafts as a teenager to give him a 'penis'. Without going into too much detail, he can pee and masturbate but his penis looks rather deformed and he is unable to have an erection or penetrate me. We have obviously tried other things but I miss being penetrated if that isn't too crude to say on here. When we first got together, I was very concerned when he told me about it and obviously he's quite insecure about it too though he's had a lot of therapy over the years to learn to cope with it. However, it didn't seem to matter all that much as we were having fun together and I enjoyed his company so much. We had plenty of oral sex and lots of cuddling and I felt turned on at times.
It's now 2 years down the line and I'm not sure I really fancy him anymore or even want to have sex... I still like the affection and cuddling and general intimacy however. Has anyone else ever felt like this? I don't know what to do. I've read that your sex drive fades over time and familiarity makes the excitement and passion of the early stages of a relationship wane but I would never say our relationship was particularly passionate, more a case of just really enjoying his company and liking him as a person. I think I also needed to experience what it was like to have a 'good' relationship if that makes sense? Is it normal to have doubts about the future of the relationship because of this or am I selling both of us short?