Cold partner

[Unhappilymarried1980]

Been married for 12 years, my wife has never been good displaying affection.
I don’t think her parents knew how to and she has issues.
lately is getting me down especially as we’ve hit a rough patch with our love life.
in 12 years she’s never just given me a hug, a kiss, sat next and cuddled me and never told me she loves me.
I feel so unwanted and want more but when I tell her this she says ‘why did you choose me ? And I find it awkward’

whats worse is I walk in shattered after a hard day and have to ask for a hug which I’m resenting now but she’ll just walk up and hug the cat, dog and our 2 kids but I just feel unloved.

I’ve given up asking now as it disheartens me so not sure how this will go.

I feel like house mates that badly that asking for sex is awkward and there no means for it to happen naturally as how do you go from housemates to having sex comfortably?
I feel like as I have to ask for it she doesn’t really want it.

we even sleep in different beds as I snore yet her and her dog go up together every night.

anyone else live like this as I’m not happy anymore.

Sounds soul destroying, she does have a point about you chosing her though as she has always been that way.
As you are in separate beds anyway, perhaps open up the marriage if a split is a step too far? Sure she can withhold affection from you, but she cannot stop you seeking it elsewhere in that case.

What do you want to hear? Do you need permission to leave your marriage? If so, you have permission.

You're not happy, your wife doesn't sound very happy, and life is too short to remain in a marriage that makes you miserable. End things amicably and with dignity, and then you can both move on.

she obviously has no interest in changing to suit you and you're clearly very unhappy so leaving would be the best option, there's more out there for you, go be happy!

It does sound awful, but if she's always been like this she kind of has a point in asking why you chose her.

Why did you choose to be with someone who isn't very affectionate if you are? I'm a hugely tactile, physically affectionate person and if I found myself in a relationship with someone who wasn't I would end it as we're obviously not compatible. You've stayed for 12 years. Why?

she says ‘why did you choose me ?

She has a point, and that is a really great question.
Why did you choose?
Why did you date her, stayed, married her?

What you wrote, sound like this is who she has always been.
And now (or all this time) you want her to change, be something she’s not, whine about it, upsetting her, analyzing, making it sound like she ’wrong’.
That’s very sad for her.

She’s not ’cold’ btw.
She is the way that she is, and that’s okey.

Why did you pick her?
You clearly don’t love her for who she is.

Pp who said she ’withholding’.
Just no. No one can ’withhold’ because no lne is entitled to.