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Original poster

ex labels our childs pants...

25 replies

supersleuth23 · 21/09/2023 12:00

okay, so im at a point where i laugh about this now but my partners ex labels his little childs (DSC) pants... we have 50/50 custody which has been in situ now for a while which we fought for but ever since DSC was little we/he would get accused of "stealing" outfits, baby grows, pants, socks etc.... so much so the poor child now has the surname, not their legal name may i just add written so crudely over everything, not even on the label, in marker pen.

latest is a pair of primark pants with "said surname" across the arse so it looks like they have had an accident... and tbh when they were changed the other day i thought they had.

They also demand that that exact outfit is returned 24hours later, clean or dirty but then have moaned in the past that we havent washed said pair of socks... i used to get exasperated now i just laugh to myself! i mean if we have a wash due then it will all go in together but im not putting a wash on for one outfit.

i mean we all would love to be a bit smaller, but not 4year old size at the age of 35!😂

has anyone else got any funny "quirks" they have to deal with?

OP posts:
roastytoastysnowballs · 21/09/2023 12:18

It is annoying when one spends a lot of money on clothes for them to disappear and only return when the child has outgrown them

I used to constantly moan at my ex-husband about clothes

Then I just look a deep breath, bought the kid more clothes and said fuck it, life is too short to argue over pants and I'm not doing it

However, DS is now at the age where one hoodie can cost £80.. or trainers £120 etc. so I do make a point of saying they'll have to be returned, I'm always happy to wash them though

TealSapphire · 21/09/2023 12:28

I'm sure I've shared it before on here, my ex used to send the kids home naked. Eg if the clothes they went in got wet then he'd put his clothes on them but make them take them off in the car outside my house and come in naked.

Just kmart clothes (similar to primark I assume) and I certainly was not out to steal them! Everything of his that ends up here just gets washed and returned.

Fiddlerdragon · 21/09/2023 12:32

Tbh I don’t think they’re defacing clothes they spent money on for the fun of it. I’d love to hear the exes point of view, especially when they’re demanding outfits back within a day whether they’re clean or dirty, they just want them back. Don’t dismiss there being the potential of a backstory before you came along and ensured that everything was returned

Crunchingleaf · 21/09/2023 12:36

@TealSapphire Your ex shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near children with that petty attitude. That is actually batshit and sounds so damaging to the poor innocent children.

AsYou82 · 21/09/2023 12:39

My ex’s expartner was obsessed with ironing things. I once sent my DD to a sleepover birthday party in PJ’s (as was the invite instructions) and my ex collected her the next day and grilled DD who confessed that the slumber party PJ’s had not been ironed before I sent her and then he sent me a shitty text about it that I was embarrassing our child by sending her to sleepovers in crumpled up PJ’s

After he split from this woman he booked the DC a holiday and the week before he delivered a bag to me asking me to iron and pack it all for the holiday as they are ‘my kids too’. I did not iron them

I used to panic about ironing I had to was and iron all ‘his’ clothes to send them back and DC would tell me that ex said they smelled bad so they would always wash them again anyway.

When he got married and had a new baby he brought round all of our DC toys and clothes to my house as he said he had no space for them anymore so I could keep them. All he kept was their pants and socks and the ironing demands instantly stopped

IncomingTraffic · 21/09/2023 12:42

Maybe she was labelling them for nursery or school. I label DS3’s pants with his name like everything else that goes to nursery. Sometimes he requires a full change of clothes.

Opentooffers · 21/09/2023 12:45

There will be animosity if he fought for 50/50 and got it. Could he have actually managed 50/50 if you were not there to assist?
I presume he, therefore, ceased having to give any maintenance payments at that point, so money will be extra tight for her.
Just change his clothes for yours when he comes, then send him back in what he arrived in, it's simple, no big deal required.
It could be seen as odd if she is now living with someone who is contributing financially with her, but if she is a single parent, it's totally understandable.

EggInANest · 21/09/2023 12:46

Presumably the ‘said’ surname on ‘said’ pants is the ex’s surname?

Mydogeatstoast · 21/09/2023 13:01

I must admit it’s a huge issue for me - my ex has our DC 30% of the time and we have soooo many items just go missing completely when they go to his. He buys the kids nothing for when they are at his - I provide it all.

But I am talking not only new but expensive items - Monsoon coats, Nike tracksuits, new summer dresses I’d bought for DD. The list is endless. He denies any knowledge of them. Even worse is I think he purposely steals my DS clothes now as he wears the same size (men’s small-medium)

So now I send the kids to his with absolute utter rubbish that I’m not bothered if they lose (or he steals!)

He also steals things like phone chargers off my kids - we’ve had at least 10 chargers with plugs, all Apple, go to his and all never come back.

SunRainStorm · 21/09/2023 14:01

I'd love to hear her side of this.

Given you have them 50/50- do you buy 50% of DC's clothing? If yes, then why does it matter what she does to the others? There should be plenty of clothes, paid for by DH, at your house right?

Whataretheodds · 21/09/2023 14:06

This sounds like the kind of thing people do when the other parent is repeatedly hoarding clothes the child has been sent in/with.

latest is a pair of primark pants with "said surname" across the arse so it looks like they've had an accident
Unless the clothes are see-through how can anyone see what's written on the pants? Quite an easy distinction between marker pen and faeces.

AsYou82 · 21/09/2023 14:08

sometimes there is no maintenance with 50/50 so perhaps that has happened

Nousernamesleftatall · 21/09/2023 14:13

Do you provide a full wardrobe for the child or does the ex have to pack a bag? It’s often the mother that spends all her money on buying whatever the child needs.

Theunamedcat · 21/09/2023 14:17

Buy them a name label stamper for Christmas sharpie across the butt is just crackers

Han2873 · 21/09/2023 15:01

It may seem petty but we have my DP children 50/50 and honestly the clothes situation is so infuriating!
we have to remember exactly what they go to their mums in or we never see it again which is hard when it’s coats/shoes and they come back in scruffy ones or that are too small. If we ask if something is there we always get told no and it’s such a waste of money.
it usually gets returned when they’ve outgrown it

Ikeepmybumcheekshidden · 21/09/2023 16:51

Why have you put "our child" in the thread title? If it's your DH's child then he/she is not yours?!

TipsyAndTommy · 21/09/2023 17:14

Our child
Said surname

I'd love to hear the other side of this!

minipeony · 21/09/2023 17:15

TealSapphire · 21/09/2023 12:28

I'm sure I've shared it before on here, my ex used to send the kids home naked. Eg if the clothes they went in got wet then he'd put his clothes on them but make them take them off in the car outside my house and come in naked.

Just kmart clothes (similar to primark I assume) and I certainly was not out to steal them! Everything of his that ends up here just gets washed and returned.

That is awful

minipeony · 21/09/2023 17:17

Have you adopted your DSC? If not what's with the "our" child. You've written your post a bit odd if you haven't adopted the DSC. In which case they wouldn't be DSC just DC. Is it possible the ex is trying to make a point that this is his child not yours.

minipeony · 21/09/2023 17:19

IncomingTraffic · 21/09/2023 12:42

Maybe she was labelling them for nursery or school. I label DS3’s pants with his name like everything else that goes to nursery. Sometimes he requires a full change of clothes.

Yeah I have to label everything for nursery

minipeony · 21/09/2023 17:20

And when you say "we" have 50/50 custody do you mean your partner does? Or do you legally have custody?

Beamur · 21/09/2023 17:23

On a more light-hearted note - we used to have sock amnesties. For some unfathomable reason we would end up with multiple odd socks from the DSC. Every now and again I would bag them up and send them back to their Mums to see if she had the other one at her house.

mathanxiety · 21/09/2023 17:38

Buy a full set of clothes for the child and keep the clothes at your place. Send the packed clothes back to the mother unopened after each visit.

The child's mother should not have to pack or send clothing with the child. The father should provide everything his child needs while amazing in his home - clothes, underwear, sports kits toothbrush, etc.

It gives the child the impression that he doesn't belong in his father's home if his father has not provided clothes for him.

mathanxiety · 21/09/2023 17:40

Amazing = staying

Epidote · 21/09/2023 22:59

Give them some clothes for the day the kid is going back to your house. He will wear those and end of the problem. The rest of the time they can dress him with the clothes they buy. And in your house the kid will wear the clothes you buy for him.

If they refuse to take it tell them that you can't be arse (use a better English than me) to commit to that 24 hours silly thing.

I did that, I was sick of being asked in a demanding tone. It worked perfectly and it ended the possibility of any piss taking.

People like to demonstrate they are above you in ridiculous ways.

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