clearly wasnt!
ok here goes
have previously posted about having ended v unpleasant verbally and (very) occasionally physically abusive relationship with partner of 7 years. we are still living in the same house as he wont move out, and he is generally being nice to me but am sure that wont last
anyway, have had strength to do this mainly due to v close friendship with work colleague which has developed over last few months. we sit next to each other, chat constantly, go to lunch together most days, he gives me lifts home a couple of times a week, and we text each other at weekends.
he is single, however he is significantly younger than me - i am in my mid thirties he is early 20s.
he tells me often how pretty i am, how nice i look, how much he would miss me if i left and how i am the only thing keeping him at our firm (he hates his job), how i am the closest friend he has and how glad he is to have me, how he can tell me anything etc. he has made jokes about us ending up together.....strangely writing it down doesnt make it seem that big a deal but suffice to say our entire office have thought for months that we are seeing each other.
at first i HONESTLY did think he was my friend. however as time passed and with things he said, how close we were & also hearing my other colleagues constantly comment on it, made me think that maybe he did like me (a thought i initially dismissed becuase i am too old, fat and unattractive - all the things my ex used to say about me)
so all was fine, i was merrily biding my time, until a conversation yesterday in which he casually let slip he had seen an old girlfriend at the weekend (fine so far...) and that when he saw her before xmas, they had both told each other they still loved each other - and they still feel the same.
...so for all that time he has a) still been in love with her despite telling me, apparently his best friend he had no feelings for her at all, she was horrible to him, he couldnt be bothered even to reply when she used to text him, and b) clearly been biding his time for the last 3 months getting in some practice flirting with me whilst waiting for her.
i know that i shouldnt expect anything more given his age and obvious immaturity. i just feel like ive acted like such a fool, and hes let me behave like one. if he honestly was my friend then he would have told me all this before xmas, and at these feelings which have developed over the last 3 months would have been nipped in the bud...thinking back i remember him saying something before xmas like how seeing her just made him glad they had broken up - which clearly was far from true!
i have asked my boss to move me to another part of the office, which will happen tomorrow...he knows i am moving, i think he knows it is to do with him (i have avoided him all day and as this is totally unlike either of us he will know something is up) and yet what really hurts is he has made no attempt to speak to or email me all day, he could have text me this evening but hasnt either, which just makes me think that he never had any feelings for me in the first place and is either ASTOUNDINGLY naive, or really not a very nice person - i just feel so disappointed, and taken in (which is unlike me as i am usually very resistant to charm, and not a gullible person). i now cant think of anything he has said to me without dismissing it as lies, ive deleted all his texts and his number from my phone. and i still feel like crap, and had to go to the toilets at work today & have a cry about it all..........
i dont think theres anything i can do except give it time but i would just like to think i am not mad to be upset by it all............