Husband won't speak to discuss any disagreements

[elianar]

My husband doesn’t talk about how he feels or anything, finds those topics awkward and tries to put an end to the conversation as soon as possible. If I ask about why he’s quieter one evening replies will be “no I’m not” or “work is stressful”. It feels like my aim is to discuss something and his aim is to put an end to the conversation as soon as possible. Equally, if I try to discuss something in the relationship he wouldn’t discuss anything at length, responses are always “yep ok” “I’m sorry” “yeah it’s fine” - not that we’ve got significant issues to debate over but for example if we have an argument about something silly and then, out of the heat of the argument, I later try to rationally discuss the same topic (for example if we argue about who should get up at night with our baby and then the following morning I try to speak to him calmly about what I’m happy to do and how he can help). It’s like trying to talk to a wall! He goes from those 2 word responses to then raising his voice or storming out of the room if I try harder to talk.

What is this? Does anyone else have a husband like that? Can I resolve it in any way?

And for those asking why we married - I guess before marriage and kids we had far less arguments. And if we did have arguments they’d be resolved very quickly and easily, for example I’d be disappointed he cancelled plans, he’d apologise and explain why, promise not to do it again, that’s it.

I don't know if it's similar to what I had my entire relationship and marriage with my wife but I couldn't discuss anything at all, not even problems she brought up. Most times I didn't even know what the problem was, there was this refusal to discuss anything and any time I would get near either the goal posts had moved or would storm off.

It was quite literally like talking to a wall. Wouldn't look at me, acknowledge I was there, would turn head if I moved. Once stormed off wouldn't speak, I was invisible, a ghost and that would last several hours sometimes days and any time I would try speak I was ignored. Eventually it would blow over, nothing happened until next time.

I've come to learn that was silent treatment and it never ended. It's not nice and it turns your head inside out. It leaves you doubting yourself, what have you done and the aim I found was to make you apologize for something you had done, even if hadn't done anything.

Emotionally immature, very much like a child tantrum or sulking.

My exH was like this and I endured 9 years of it. He left me in the end for a woman at work - that was 7 years ago and to this day, I still don't know why or what happened because he just never wanted to talk about anything ever. I had to second guess everything and it was incredibly frustrating and lonely. Clearly there was all sorts of thoughts going around in his head but they were never shared with me. I'm not sure what the answer is really, sorry. I do sympathise though, OP.

This is my husband too. Really appreciate hearing other's experiences and understanding of the problem.
The silent treatment seems to me to be emotional immaturity or is it abuse?
My DH's DM was exactly this way too, could never discuss her feelings but at least she wasn't angry.
My DH has many redeeming qualities so I have put up with him for years. I am far from perfect myself, but I am warm and kind to him. He is like the monolithe in Orange Mechanique . Every day I wonder.

@Whataretalkingabout Not sure, I think it's perhaps under abuse but maybe depends on the severity of it. Mine for example usually involved screaming rage and sometimes volatile beforehand.

Other times it extended to the children where I wasn't allowed to talk or interact with them or them with me either and would make it obvious to me by talking nicely to them, quite loudly, that I was being shunned. Would walk past me like a ghost.

It is emotional immaturity but I think some have a purpose to it, more than not discussing something in particular.

Go to marriage counseling.

This needs to be dealt with or you will end up divorcing.

Mine does this.wont discuss this us and bottles stuff up.It has had a significant impact on the quality lł our marriage.It is a lonely place to be.
He won't share his opinion on anything.
The tantrums and sulking are immature.