Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

ex threatening suicide

43 replies

catsandplants · 20/09/2023 19:21

have been in what was an emotionally abusive relationship for a year. Found out my ex cheated on my last week by speaking to other women he had been with. He was very angry I had spoken to them and has gone off at me a few times since. I made a post on social media where i stated i had been cheated on but did not share his name or any details, i then made it only viewable to my friends as i felt bad. He had deleted his account but brought it back and found the post. While i regret this post - he had been cheating on me for a year, with multiple girls all whilst i was paying for him to live rent free, eyx.

He has now sent me 20+ plus messages swearing at me, telling me he hates me. Before phoning me up and stating ‘anything i do now is on your f——-ing head’ He then finally text me ‘you’ve drawn me to do this’ I have spoken to his mum who is out looking for him but i just feel awful and like this is all my fault ?!

OP posts:
Grumpusaurus · 21/09/2023 05:47

Let him crack on. Would be one abusive twat left. Win win. But he won't. It is verbatim text book 101 in the abuser's handbook.

Aposterhasnoname · 21/09/2023 05:54

Absolute classic abuser tactic. My ex did exactly the same, said he was going to jump off a motorway bridge. I offered him a lift.

Hes still alive, 35 years later.

Heybearu · 21/09/2023 06:02

Some perpatraitors of abuse do kill themselves as a final act of abuse. However even if he does do this, it still is t your fault.
You've let his mum know, you could send the police and give him samaritans number.
Then block and cha he your number. If possible move or move in with a friend or family member for a bit too.

Peachee · 21/09/2023 06:03

Ahhh turn your back on this crock of shit and move on to better things. What a complete loser. A man child who needs to emotionally regulate. You won’t be the first nor the last who will be suffering from his abuse. There are better things ahead for you.

Naunet · 21/09/2023 08:16

Just block him, he’s an abusive attention seeking drama Queen, there’s lots of them about. More importantly…
all whilst i was paying for him to live rent free, eyx

What were you thinking?! Never do this again!!

Startingagainandagain · 21/09/2023 09:21

He is your ex and not your responsibility.

He is just trying to manipulate you. Block him and get on with your life.

If he tries to see you in person, report him to the police.

Don't get involved in his drama...

jellybe · 21/09/2023 09:23

It is abusive emotional blackmail. You are never responsible for someone else's actions.

BMW6 · 21/09/2023 12:21

Well with any luck he'll crack on and do it so there's one less fucker taking up valuable space!

Sunandstorms · 21/09/2023 12:26

@FedUpMumof10YO as someone who’s worked in mental health a fair bit, he doesn’t sound psychotic- our psychotic patients tend to sound significantly more unwell. This just sounds like bog standard abusive / manipulative behaviour without the excuse / explanation of illness as a cause. Agree with the advice to contact the police for a welfare check but not to respond you self.

Ithh · 21/09/2023 12:35

The abusers last weapon of choice. Fuck him. If he does then it’s on him anyway. Not your problem.

TheDogthatDug · 21/09/2023 12:39

Meh. Ignore and block.

jazzyfips · 21/09/2023 12:41

Block, delete and move on

Original poster
catsandplants · 21/09/2023 16:59

Thank you all - ex is still very much alive and kicking and messaged me to say ‘sorry i snapped’ so turns out yet again was all a big lie !!! his mum is now sending me abusive messages so we have agreed to only have contact about the joint flat we are trying to get out of renting!

OP posts:
PaintedEgg · 21/09/2023 17:01

oh so this type of behaviour is a family tradition...

good idea about only contacting him about the flag

Sunandstorms · 21/09/2023 17:07

Please be sure to take good care of yourself amidst this mess. No contact other than what’s absolutely essential sounds good. You don’t deserve abuse from anyone.

AbbeyGailsParty · 21/09/2023 17:16

As pp have said it’s an all too common trait in abusive men. I had this for years, I got so pissed off listening to his pity party whinging I told him to get in the car I’d drive him to the car park he wanted to jump off. Strangely he changed his mind at that point.

Get out of the tenancy asap and block him and his mother. Don’t respond to anything other than tenancy discussions. It’s bloody wearing listening to them.

HowcanIhelp123 · 21/09/2023 17:17

Abusive behaviour, been there done that.

'It's on you what I do next' - no it isn't, what you do is entirely your choice.

'I'll kill myself and it's your fault' - no it isn't, if you choose to do that to ... (input mum, dad, siblings etc) thats on you.

Never respond with care yourself, never go over yourself. Call police and tell him about his threats, especially if they are in writing. He'll feel a right twat when you've given the police the screen shots and they turn up and he has to explain himself while trying not to tell them he's an abusive twat that was just trying to get a reaction out of you. Tell a friend/family member of his about his threats, and tell that person and him you will not be tolerating this any more and will be blocking him so you will not recieved any further threats or pleas and do it.

HowAmYa · 21/09/2023 18:48

Block his ass.
And don't post any more personal shit on SM. It will never give u the satisfaction you think it will.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page