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Relationships

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Compatibility vs Shared Interests?

12 replies

rodanbrew · 20/09/2023 16:20

I have niche interests to go with a somewhat niche career. My DH has more regular tastes than me sports (something I am not interested in much although I enjoy his enjoyment of them) mostly but we have plenty we enjoy together, we go to the gym together, cook together, watch movies, travel, board games, some theatre, comedy gigs, meals out. We get on great and are very compatible.

When we first dated my DH sometimes worried that he didn't share some of my more obscure interests and that I might find him lacking in some way. None of this is true at all. I've met loads of guys through work or hobbies and while it might be interesting to converse with them about a particular topic or area of interest having a shared interest isn't especially a basis for a relationship or attraction. As an immature teen I probably did think similar interests equalled compatibility but its not the case at all.

Pretty much none of the boyfriends I had based on a shared interest turned out to be compatible and often they were the antithesis of what I wanted in a partner. In my experience actual compatibility is based on something much more fundamental than liking the same stuff such as your values, your goals and the kind of life you are both working towards, communication style and so on. I think as long as you have enough similar interests to spend quality time together then having your own separate interests is quite nice and gives each the opportunity to share them with the other on occasion or just do your own thing alone or with friends.

Do you think sharing a majority of interests is important or is it more important to be compatible in other, perhaps more fundamental ways?

OP posts:
Toomanysquishmallows · 20/09/2023 16:26

I agree with you , dp doesn’t share my hobby of crochet, and I have no interest in gaming ! But we are fundamentally similar.

Ohambassador · 20/09/2023 16:30

you list about half a dozen “shared interests” 😐

so the only ones are your “niche” one 😂 and his “regular” ones

Ohambassador · 20/09/2023 16:30

we go to the gym together, cook together, watch movies, travel, board games, some theatre, comedy gigs, meals out

are these not shared interest

what a lot of navel gazing

rodanbrew · 20/09/2023 16:41

Ohambassador · 20/09/2023 16:30

you list about half a dozen “shared interests” 😐

so the only ones are your “niche” one 😂 and his “regular” ones

To be fair the niche ones are pretty niche but yes we do share the one's I listed which I think are the kind of things everyone likes don't they?

OP posts:
rodanbrew · 20/09/2023 16:41

Ohambassador · 20/09/2023 16:30

we go to the gym together, cook together, watch movies, travel, board games, some theatre, comedy gigs, meals out

are these not shared interest

what a lot of navel gazing

Thank you so much for your response, I'm so glad you took the time to type that up, so insightful.

OP posts:
rodanbrew · 20/09/2023 16:42

Toomanysquishmallows · 20/09/2023 16:26

I agree with you , dp doesn’t share my hobby of crochet, and I have no interest in gaming ! But we are fundamentally similar.

@Toomanysquishmallows Thanks, yes its the similarities in how you both want to live vs your interests that are important.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 20/09/2023 16:45

Yeah I think it’s about being similar people and wanting similar lifestyles but it’s good to have a few interests in common too

HenryCavillsWife · 20/09/2023 16:47

My DH and I don't share any "niche" hobbies, but we get along really well. We agree on most things, from politics and people through to what to eat and where to go on holiday. Living with him is really easy.

Sadly, our taste in music is completely different and that IS annoying. It's a total PITA on long car journeys.

rodanbrew · 20/09/2023 16:48

@Shoxfordian I agree that it is good to have some interests in common but I think there are things like food, travel, films for example that pretty much everyone likes.

OP posts:
rodanbrew · 20/09/2023 16:51

@HenryCavillsWife Absolutely it is the general agreement the day to day things that makes life go smoothly but I like to think we both expose each other to new things now and again. Music can be an issue, we have lots of similar tastes in music but he can keep his grunge for "personal listening" and I'll keep my post punk for when I've got my headphones on!

OP posts:
Ohambassador · 20/09/2023 16:59

rodanbrew · 20/09/2023 16:41

Thank you so much for your response, I'm so glad you took the time to type that up, so insightful.

😂

enjoy your “niche” hobby OP

Trickedbyadoughnut · 20/09/2023 17:04

DH and I are both massively into a different sport each, but we take an interest in what each other does and, more importantly, we understand what it's like to have a hobby that you're really into. That's the most important thing for me.

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