Finding Sister difficult

[leighqt]

I’m 42have been diagnosed with a serious MH condition since my 20s fast forward another 20 ish years I now have Seizures and Fibromyalgia. I was a single parent to a Asd child with co morbid Chronic fatigue syndrome at times life was extremely difficult and still is at times for example I would love to work but every time I try I loose the plot and nearly end up being sectioned it’s frustrating to say the least my daughter has suffered tremendously over the years as has our relationship as mother and daughter but we are strong today thankfully.

My sister age 35 mother of one has recently ( 6 month ago got diagnosed with Ms to say she is struggling accepting her situation is a understatement she is wreaking havoc with our parents who are ageing stopping them seeing her son , argueing with my other sister bringing up things best left in the past from our childhood to the point I had a breakdown and is calling crying all the time this is even after attending the GP for basic meds like eye drops for example, we have all mentioned she needs help for her moods which at times she will agree other times will accuse us of “labelling her mental” yet refuses to take said medication while prescribed them and since the MS diagnosis is off meds despite having health anxiety knowing she needs them yet when the go suggest some days it’s too overwhelming right now, yet she is able to maintain employment, so while yes I realise she needs support while she accepts her new diagnosis I cannot be a little miffed at the constant poor me phone calls when my daughter and I have been suffering for years and actually in worse health in all ways I try to help her but it’s constant and becoming unbareable . I’ve tried sending her resources , talking to her, telling her what’s worked for me, my experience, boosting her self esteem but there is no consideration for me my daughter or anyone else she is fully in victim mode.

any advise will be appreciated

Hopefully since she now has her MS diagnosis she will have a nurse she can contact. It is very difficult as she will be experiencing a high level of anxiety (I would think) about her future and how she will cope. Yes I do have an appreciation of the difficulty and stress in your own situation. Does she understand (do her family understand) that her mood swings could even be directly caused by the current inflammation in her central nervous system. I am saying it will probably help her if as a family you can all try to encourage her to talk about her worries with her GP or her MS nurse. Please let us know how it is going over time.

My family aren’t the best communicators this is part of the trauma from childhood she is freliving at this time in form of flashbacks ( ptsd)), my mother is full time carer for my father if she does not go to a mri with sister all hell will break loose mum will go through weeks of being ignored and accused of not being supportive. She doesn’t sleep and literally attends to all my fathers needs

my sister has the information of the ms society and fact sheets but will not read them says “ she can’t do it” there is no self preservation no I need to get in the best shape I can be . I’m literally at the point of walking away from her as there is no acknowledgment I also have FND I have a cluster B mh condition which is different from depression which is awful and Fibro all I get is me me me me I find im repeating myself over and over there has to be some fight. There is no empathy for my 20 year old daughter who recently had surgery, who daily suffers extreme fatigue which effects work socialising education and she 20 years old yet barely complains it’s been like this since my daughter was 11 years old !

I also need to be aware of how much I allow here I’m thinking along the lines of boundaries as recently she triggered me and my mh declined for a few weeks, I fitted for the first time in 12 mths and accidentally whilst drunk took too much liquid morphine , god knows what that was about but dissosociatiob is part of my disorder x2.

my daughter and I do not get a second thought by any member of the family. I live 45 mins away from them and not once in 11 years has one visited me

I want to support her have spent hours listening whilst she cries, rants,,talking rubbish slagging people off and I’m at the end of my teether. She’s mid hotties having a breakdown about visiting a Gp office yet when her BF is around she is not so intense

You sister will be totally terrified right now. I have MS and when I was first diagnosed it sent me into freefall. I was scared to go to sleep in case I woke up even more disabled or blind etc. she will be feeling totally overwhelmed at the disease modifying drugs that you have to choose, all of which give you side effects that are horrendous. Her future will feel very bleak.

She is grabbing out for support from your parents. She needs someone to be there for her till she accepts her condition more. She just wants some help and to not feel alone.

I understand you yourself have some health problems. You should be more sympathetic. You are in a great position to help her through this. But you're actually coming across as a bit miffed at her struggle. Listing all your ailments like it's a competition or that you've got it worse.

Just listen to her, encourage your family to actually physically be there for her. She will get through this stage. She will be given an MS nurse and I myself see a neurological team regularly who got me some therapy at the start which helped lots.

I have recently completed a course of therapy with a Neuro psychologist and funny enough the treatment is very much concerned with the nervous system, my sister now has a appointment for this I have tried explaining everything to her in baby steps like they may call it Functional neurological disorder and tried to be clear on what she can expect but she’s going to be a nightmare

Thanks for your comment it’s appreciated she is only know going through the stage of trying various medications seeing what works for her or not. If think what I perhaps tried to describe but not very well is her behaviour towards family like she is the only one not well and she doesn’t let things go, for example having to go to even a GP appointment makes her cry, going to Pharmacist alone or now one set of meds made her feel yucky it will be a huge deal as she had health anxiety to. I am frequently on the phone supporting her reassuring her giving information and tips