I don't know what to think.

[picklepottage]

I feel sick, but the bring in limbo is far worse.

So been dating someone for just over a couple of months. We've been seeing each other once a week and every other weekend for an evening. We text everyday, throughout the day. Last two weeks he's been really busy with work, very stressed, but I also feel he's lost interest a bit. He messages and checks in but it's not the same.

I said to him at the beginning - if he loses interest to tell me and not go distant.

We didn't meet last week as he was back late from work and I was then busy. This week he's busy with work and massively stressed (this is true and he's looking for another job) but he also hasn't asked to see me this week or weekend.

He messaged to
say he was home and going straight to bed and asking how I am.

I responded with what I've been going and a "I miss you"

He responded to my message but didn't acknowledge the "I miss you" - I haven't seen him for two weeks !

I responded with a - I know you have a lot going on so I'll keep it short. You're not interested so happy to call it day. I'm a big girl , just be honest.

His response - let me get this week out of the way. I can even think at the moment.

I think I have my answer don't I?

Tbh, he sounds genuine.

I think you need to calm the fuck down and stop being so annoying and needy. He has told you that he's stressed and slammed and you've responded by throwing a hissy fit because you're not getting enough attention and immediately catastrophizing. Ugh.

I'll be honest, you sound quite desperate, needy, and really, really full-on. It's just too much, op. You barely know him yet you've elevated this "relationship" to something it just isn't. The passive-aggressive, confrontational texts are no doubt putting him right off.

I have no doubt that you're lovely and have a lot to offer, but this is not the way to go about developing a lasting relationship.

OP for your updates I think he likes you. Because with the passive aggressive way you talk to him if he doesn't he surely had told you that the relationship didn't work. Gosh you or whatever.

Chill up a bit, don't rush. If he is to be with you you will know. If you are looking for something more intense in time etc he is not the one for you.

You're all right. I sound so unreasonable and I’ve just realised something.

I googled catastrophizing - that’s 100% me. In the back of my mind Ive been thinking how long is it going to last because nothing ever does. It’s totally me.

Where do I go from here? I just have to hope he's understanding as I've never reacted like this before. We do laugh, joke and are affectionate usually... well in the 10 weeks at least

I wouldn't answer the last message, just wait and see if he calls tomorrow.

You really have to try and match the other persons level of interest in dating. The rubber band analogy, if they pull away, so do you, and then there is tension that pulls you back together. But if you move towards someone who is pulling away, it just goes floppy. Meet people where they are meeting you. And if you reach the point where their level of interest is not making you happy, then you decide for yourself its not working for you and end it.

I would agree it sounds like he is losing interest. Realistically, when you get that feeling it’s correct 99% of the time isn’t it?
Your messages pushing him for reassurance/honesty won’t be helping either. If you are pushing for him to make a decision about the relationship (and though I agree you are entitled to ask where you stand) you’re far more likely to push him into calling it off rather than continuing things.

I like the advice about not letting anyone tie you to your phone - very wise.

He said he's busy. You're being overly needy and coming off as insecure. Healthy people don't need constant reassurance. Back off, you're breathing down his neck.

I'd expect a goodnight and goodmorning text at the least - OK to be busy during the day. But if you don't even get that when going over a week of seeing each other, there ceases to be enough interaction to hold it together and interest wanes. I wouldn't bother in that case.

Where do I go from here

You stop trying to have a relationship, and you spend some time working out why you feel you're faulty and need to change as soon as someone doesn't do things the same way as you. I spent years thinking I was needy, and then found a partner who respects and accommodates my needs. I didn't need to change me, I needed to change my partner!

Where are the rules about how needy we're supposed to be, and what degree of neediness denotes insecure'?

There aren't any. It's not up to you, or anybody else. It's up to op to respect her needs, and to find a partner who can meet them. It's not up to external parties to tell he whether she's within the boundaries of acceptance. Some couples in healthy relationships are in touch every hour or two, and nobody can tell them they're wrong, if they're happy.

Don't take the criticism, op. Be who you are. Need what you need. Leave people behind who don't suit you. This is self respect and being responsible for your own well-being.