Partner won't think about the future. Is it weird or am I in the wrong here?

[raven9191]

Me (F30) and partner (M35) been together for a few years now, got a house together and have been speaking about having children soon. We live in the UK. Have to say we're in a very good place.

However today I brought up a topic that has caused a stir in the past, and that is immigrating to Australia, somewhere we love, we both travelled there together on a work visa holiday visa and it's certainly somewhere I would love to start a family.

We have even done the languages tests to get the ball rolling but since then the topics gone cold because he gets cold feet (totally understandable, it's a very big life choice but he's never said no or put a stop to the idea, and has at times brought it up himself) It had been a while since we spoke properly about it so today I brought it up and asked if he'd given more thought into Australia, and his response really concerned me.

He can't think ahead. He can only think in the now and is solely focussed on work as that's why he is doing at this moment. His exact response was "I'm only thinking about now. All while I have work on I can't think that far ahead"

Ok, so how are we meant to plan for the future if he can't think ahead? We want to start a family, and Australia is a big deal especially if kids come into the equation. All these things need to be thought about and discussed as a couple and visa applications take time.

I think very far ahead and like to plan out things. Not to mentioned we're on a time limit if we want to immigrate due to our ages. Aware some people don't think as far ahead as I do but to not think about what's happening even next month? or next year?

Is that weird or am being an a-hole here?

Anyone have an immigration related stories or been in a similar situation about making life decisions? Appreciate any input.

If it were me the prospect of three giant changes would scare me, too. I'd keep my head down get on with work and business as usual and hope it all went away.

Although we have since moved back, we applied for the skilled migrant visa (I was the main applicant) in 2009 and we moved in 2010. It was my idea and DH was happy, it was my application and I just got on with it and asked him to fill in his forms when he needed to.

I think even once the visa is granted, there is still a decision to make as in 'are we really going to do this'. I think visas were quite a bit cheaper back then so we were happy to get it even though we were not 100% sure about it. Who would be your main applicant? If it is you, could you just get on with the process and have it in hand as the age related points will start to go down.

I must admit though, like other posters, I don't for a minute believe this guff about he can't plan. Truthfully, I don't think he wants to emigrate and he doesn't look keen on marriage either.

I think he's messing you about. If I were you I'd leave him and move to Aus and find someone with more get up and go out there to have children with. He's going to mess you about till it's too late.

Another one in the potentially future-faked camp here. With DP for 4 yrs, both got teens from previous marriages so we don’t live together. When we first got together he was gushing about marrying me, changing his surname to mine, all the plans we’d have, a camper we’d buy together… within 4 months it was all quiet on that front…. Never heard a single “I love you” since! Any casual jokey mention of marriage terrifies him, he doesn’t want to buy a camper together (wants to do it by himself), and found out last month he doesn’t want to move in together once the kids have left.
Heartbroken is an understatement.
We temporarily split, but somehow are
back together. I’ve been a mug.

The difference is for you, OP, that you’ve not had chance to have children yet. In your shoes I’d be very careful to check, check, and triple check that he definitely intends to give you children, and preferably soon. I’d hate to see you end up missing out on that (regardless of the Australia plan)… because if he’s capable of deferring committing to your emigration plan, he’s capable of backing out of the children plan, and that’s something you really can’t leave to chance.

💐