Friend stuck in US, narcissist husband, can’t work can’t leave, help!

[Lovelifeluminosity]

Friend married 10ish years, she’s British he is American, two young children. Living in the US for last 2 years. He was supporting her Visa application until they filed for divorce, he is not supporting it now of course. He became alcoholic and abusive about three years ago, moving to his country was supposed to help. She is/was the only one working, for her old company in the Middle East, while he lived off her money and now his parents’. She’s got a flat with the kids and she is safe from him, he is not allowed to know where she lives and gets to have the kids once a fortnight. Her Visa to carry on working with her old company has expired because she hasn’t been able to leave the country to renew it. She got a job in the UK and applied to the court to return with their children. This has just been denied. She is now stuck in the US without permission to be there and without permission to leave without her children. Any advice at all very welcome, extremely worried for her welfare as she is going to run out of money very quickly without being able to earn. The ex won’t pay a scrap of maintenance and wants to see her suffer regardless of what trauma he’s giving their kids. Urgh and she’s in a southern state, not the most forward thinking of places. Any hope at all needed right now xx

I would post this on a FB group Two Fat Experts, or Expats Returning to Live in UK or Friendly Brits in the USA or the mumsnet Living Overseas page. You may get some useful responses. Best of luck to your friend.

She needs to find out why the return to the UK was blocked. Do the kids have UK passports?

In the mean time, can you help her renew her visa? She really needs to speak with the American immigration people asap. One call from him if he finds out where she is about her visa expiring and she could find herself booted out of the country for overstaying. She needs to be proactive and explain the situation with the relevant folks first. Maybe then there can be some leway whilst she sorts things.

Also on the other side she needs to speak with the UK lot about the refusal of the trip.

Being proactive is key.

Contact GlobalARRK. She must not leave the US with the kids.

I assume she has applied for a marriage based green card via Adjustment of Status? Rather than entering with an Immigrant Visa, which would have been the correct way of doing it... However, she should have been able to file for a work permit at the same time - why was that not done?

Right now she needs a competent immigration attorney. I think there may be a way of continuing with the AoS even though the marriage has broken down, provided that she has proof that the marriage was entered into in good faith, which shouldn't be difficult given that they have been married 10 years.

Returning to the UK with the children, without the father's consent, is going to be extremely difficult if not impossible. Her immigration attorney will be able to explain this to her.

The best forum for US immigration advice that I know is BritishExpats.com. She should ask there. However, she should NOT try to do this without competent legal advice - and be aware that there are a lot of 'immigration consultants' who are neither qualified nor competent...

If she has been married for 10 years, she can apply for citizenship without him. She will not be allowed to take the kids out the country probably. They are funny about that. I got my citizenship etc after I filed for divorce. What state is she in? that too will make a difference.

I'm in the US. Victims of DV can be given special visas because of that. That he is not allowed to see the children alone is some proof. She needs an immigration attorney.

I came on to say this. She needs a good immigration attorney. Proving VAWA status is not simple. I wouldn't try to do it on my own.

https://www.uscis.gov/humanitarian/abused-spouses-children-and-parents

Your friend shouldn’t panic, she needs to check the USCIS website and contact an immigration official at her local USCIS office. Processing times for Permanent Residence cards (so-called “green cards) vary greatly and USCIS can grant her a temporary extension of her current visa.

They’re not monsters when you’re trying to do everything right. Her local office will give her appointment to come in with her passport/immigration paperwork and as long as it’s in order, they’ll probably grant a 12-month extension.

As @theoldrout01876 , she can actually apply for citizenship as she’s been married so long, but as she’s already got another application in progress, it might be it easier to get that sorted first. Permanent Residents can live and work in the US.

Re. Returning to the UK with her children. I wouldn’t advise her to do this right now as her children presumably have dual American/British citizenship. The US is very protective of its citizens and it will get her into all sorts of legal trouble.

Contact USCIS and get her visa extended first. Then she can get back to work and slowly sort everything out.

Right now she needs a competent immigration attorney.

This is the only advice she should take. Immigration law is specific and each person's situation is as well. Second-hand reckons from anyone who isn't required by their professional body to give advice correctly is worth nothing.

If you want to help her, find funds for paying a lawyer. There may be pro bono resources for immigrants near her.

Oh, I missed the part abut her needing to leave the country. USCIS can put a stamp in your passport to enable you to do that while awaiting your Permanent Residence card. I also had to get one.

@MrsTerryPratchett Yes, but there’s alot of good information on the USCIS website.

And some of us have gone through the process as Brits married to Americans. There is a standard pathway and you don’t need an immigration lawyer to navigate it.

Oh yes @HamBone definitely doing some homework is a great idea. Always go to a lawyer with a lot of the homework done if possible. Saves time and money.

The advice I'm concerned about is the typical MN advice of just running 'home' which could result in a LOT of very worrying consequences.

@MrsTerryPratchett Absolutely, it’ll only lead to trouble, poor woman.

This is the name of a highly rated immigration attorney in Illinois. If you send an email, they may be able to refer to an immigration lawyer in the appropriate state. This woman is involved at a national level, so she probably has contacts all over the US.

https://mcenteelaw.com/fiona-mcentee/

Which country were the children born in?

Getting permission for the children to leave may be very hard. I was sat next to a British man, who was trapped there as he had moved to the US with his ex wife to save their marriage. He couldn't get the kids out again. He was pretty bitter.

Why, why? do people behave like this?

Definitely a well versed, experienced, immigration attorney is the only way forward now. Do not take any other forum advice on the matter.

Yep, agree, immigration lawyer is needed pronto. Guessing a barrier may be no $$ for this. Maybe she needs to posted on relevant expat forums seeking if anyone knows of one who will be flexible with payment?

Obviously, horse has bolted but this is why you should never relocate anywhere you can’t leave, live independently if required, or leave freely with your kids. I’ve known a few people in this boat and have drummed it into my kids (now adults), never ever get yourself into such a situation. It’s a life lesson better learnt before you get stuck vs after.

Thanks everyone really appreciate all the replies. She does have a lawyer helping her with VAWA, I haven’t been able to discuss properly with her yet I think she is still in shock. Can’t sleep so can’t think straight. Global Arrk charity great recommendation but gosh some of the stories are so harrowing on there- this is obviously so common 😢. And the consequences of ‘just running home’ with your children has the most severe consequences of all (of course appropriate in some cases but not here). Sounds like the best way I can help is financially at the moment but she is refusing for now.

She needs to contact the British consulate for assistance

I would also contact the UK embassy in the US to ask for advice.