back story - together a year after meeting on tinder (both mid 20s) , moved in very quickly - with me and my flat mate, told me he loved me within 2 dates and then changed his job to one near me and lived with me from 3 weeks in. As the months went on started to pick up concerns of cheating but he swore blind he hadn’t and that his ex had cheated on him and it hurt him so much when i asked him, it was all in my head, etc. We had location on, i was on his social media, all the things people say would indicate not cheating. He struggled with his mental health and had threatened to kill himself if i did not get rid of an accidental pregnancy. As the months went on he isolated me from my flat mate, kept losing his jobs (all blamed on his mental health and debt due to his ex) and began borrowing money and relying financially on myself and my flat mate - before causing me and my flat mate to fall out and me and him (partner) to move away to a flat close to his new job.
Fast toward to this month and we live together in a tiny flat, he spends hours in the bathroom (turns out he was sexting other girls and begging them not to tell me) and messaging his ex. We have had a few big arguments where he has punched walls, etc shouted at me. Refusing to ever go see my friends with me and basically moaning if we even had to get food shopping. Having no money and spending all the money he did have on stuff he didn’t need. He admits once to messaging some twitter girls and i try to forgive
He randomly breaks up with me on Thursday so I do my digging (finally) and find out that he was messaging and slept with his ex during our relationship, flirted with my friends, sexted girls, paid for porn despite owing me and my flat mate money and generally was just a massive liar. I speak to his ex’s who tell me he cheated on both of them (with their friends) and then claimed both cheated on him and caused them to lose friends. I had other girls come forward and pretty much claim harassment and feeling forced into sexual acts.
I am out of there but I am struggling - he is claiming he just loved me but couldn’t get over his ex (who he cheated on again and again and told me was awful), he is messaging me telling me he’s so depressed, crying all the time and can’t cope. I am struggling to not feel bad as I think of all the good times and how loving he was to me most the time. No one around me could believe it as he seemed so lovely - i’m guessing this is how he got away with it - being the dotting boyfriend who was funny and everyone liked.
How on earth do I accept what I lived for a year was actually an abusive relationship with cheating, gaslighting and anger and not the fun and happy one it could feel in the ‘good phases’