Failing relationship whilst pregnant! :(

[anonymoustw97]

I'm currently 7 months pregnant with my baby boy. I (26yrs old) have been with my partner (41years old) for just over 1 year. Pregnancy wasn't planned but partner was fully aware I was on no contraception at the time and refused to wear a condom so the inevitable happened. We had spoken about children for the future and both wanted them but obviously because it was early days we said we would wait! When I found out that i was pregnant i told him straight away, he was supportive and told me that any decision i make he will be there for me. i decided to keep our baby.

Since falling pregnant my partner has completely changed towards me, i feel like he hates me. he has gone from being so loving and caring towards me to being so cold.

We dont live together and since being pregnant i have asked him about our plans to move in together in the future, he told me that he could never live with someone as he likes his own space too much and told me he has never lived with a partner previously because of this (bearing in mind he has been in very long term relationships). This obviously really hurt me knowing that we are having a baby together and are in a relationship but we wont ever live together, but I come to terms with it and respect his decision.

I only see him 2-3x a week and since being pregnant he tells me he needs space ALOT. I always give him space when he asks because i know he struggles with his mental health, during the time he asks for space i dont text or call i just give him space. After a couple of days of space he texts me saying that hes unhappy in the relationship and he ends things with me. he tells me that i have trapped him and i didnt give him a choice of wanting to keep the baby etc. Then we wont speak for weeks and he will contact me again and everything goes back to normal and its been this vicious circle for months now.

I love him alot and I want to be with him but i am really unhappy with how hes treating me. When we are good we are really good together and then unexpectedly he just turns on me for no reason and ends our relationship. Im really good to him and feel like I dont deserve this especially whilst pregnant.

Some honest advice please :) TY xx

This is not a relationship.

Move on and raise your child away from this man.

Honest advice? Prepare to be a single parent. He has no interest in a relationship with you, or with being a parent. He is making that very obvious and because you "love him a lot" (why?? this 'relationship' sounds like it's all on his terms!) you are simply not listening when he tells you that he doesn't want a relationship and doesn't want a baby.

You don't really know him that well. You've not been together that long. There's a significant age gap.

I'm afraid there's no fixing this - just make sure he pays child maintenance.

You and your baby deserve better. You don't need the stress when your pregnant as he sounds like a baby himself. He sounds very selfish and putting himself first. He comes back when it suits him which is not how it works especially when there is a baby involved. Your better off without x

Well, knowingly having sex with no contraception is trying for a baby, so calling this one "unplanned" is a bit of a stretch.

I'm with PP. This isn't a relationship and never will be. You're already single; all that's left to do is recognise it and make sure you file for maintenance when the baby is born.

Honesty in a couple of months you won’t have time to indulge his nonsense. Focus on your health and doing the best for your baby. You’ll thrive as a single Mum who doesn’t have a second 41 year old toddler to think about too. I’d be giving baby your last name and not putting him on the BC to be honest. He sounds very undeserving of being a dad.

The fact that he "refused" to wear a condom in the first place would have been alarm bells for me!

He obviously should have worn a condom- but you have gone along with this, had unprotected sex and actively given your child a disinterested, shitty father. You need to accept that he isn’t going to do a 180 and that this relationship is a toxic mess. Why do you want to be with someone who is treating you and your child so callously?

You deserve better. Your child deserves better. I’m sorry it hasn’t worked out, but you’re not going to get happy families here. You leave this toxic man and you do this on your own- for your baby. X

He's a toxic person op.

Standard for abusers to start to abuse when you get pregnant, if thats what is going on here. Could be as blowing hot and cold ect...
The big age gap, the getting you pregnant really soon into the relationship and three refusing to wear (!!!) a condom too. All red flags.

Failing to tell someone youve got pregnant that if they keep the baby, you won't be moving in with them to do your share of the parenting until they are 7 months pregnant is fucking shitty too. He essentially didn't give you an informed choice. He made out he would stick by you. He lied.

He's a pig op.
You talk about love but, you've only known this guy a short time and it seems you are only now seeing who he really is. A bastard.
Also, what about self love?
When people treat you like shit, you have to let them go and love yourself instead.

I'd tell him to jog on. Whatever you do, give the baby YOUR last name. I cannot stress this enough. Its so important. You might also be wise to keep him off the birth certificate if able.

Life is too short to waste on assholes op. And your child deserves to be raised in an environment where s/he doesn't have to watch their mother being treated like shit.

I'm sorry he isn't who you thought he was.
But he isn't. And you have to find a way to accept that. And to choose you.

He'll pop back for sex until baby arrives and requires your full attention, and then he will resent that you aren't giving him enough attention and will check out completely.

Expect to be alone parent, and make land accordingly

don't hope for him to turn into a decent person, he won't be.

start organising your life as a single parent, and this will include getting him to pay child support (because i doubt you can expect more from him)

This baby was not unplanned. You both knew what could happen.

What exactly do you love about him? His coldness? His abandonment of you when you are carrying his child? The crumbs he deigns to throw you occasionally?

Why would you want to be with him?

Why would you want that for yourself and your child?

Thanks for the advice everyone. I decided to end things with him once and for all. Told him that the relationship has no future and I’m wasting my time, he didn’t really seem to care tbh. Although it hurts, I actually feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulder and my anxiety since ending things with him seems to have got so much better.

Time to focus on me and my baby boy now! :)