How can I help my husband?

[Danaeofathens]

He’s a lovely person - very kind, considerate and a good dad to our two DC. But he’s going through a crisis and I’m not sure how best to support him.

He’s extremely stressed at work. He’s a massive perfectionist, so this isn’t entirely because of where he works, he’d probably be the same in any job. I know the obvious thing here would be to get professional help, but he won’t/can’t as he’s worried it would risk losing his job (I can’t explain why, but his fears here are realistic given his profession).

I find myself getting really impatient with him and snapping, then feeling massively guilty for adding to his stress. But we’re alone where we live with no family help, I work FT and life feels so hard right now.

He seems to be in a negative cycle where he’s comfort eating so has put on weight, this worsens his self esteem, so he comfort eats some more. He spends hours on his phone doom-scrolling, which doesn’t help. I try to encourage him to engage with exercise/healthier habits but he feels like I’m nagging him.

I know there’s no easy solution here but has anyone been in a similar position?

Does he like reading? Unwinding anxiety by Dr Judson Brewer seems to be written for your DH. I also think he would benefit from counselling. The counsellor would keep their conversations confidential unless there is a risk to life or serious harm to either your husband or other people. Your husband would have to agree to counselling though.

Thank you @Tiredbehyondbelief I’ll look into getting that book for him, it sounds great.

Surely he could access some kind of counselling or therapy which work wouldn’t need to know about?

Have you just calmly talked to him. Told him you are worried and that this continuous cycle will start to effect everything and everyone.

His job is just a job most people have them but his family and home they are surely more important in his life and he needs to sort out his work-life balance.

Let him know you are happy to do anything to help but he has to take the lead.

Talk to him see what he says.

Sounds like antidepressants would help him immensely. . He needs to go see a gp asap, especially if he is in a high powered position. Even doctors take antidepressants. Reassure him that this happens everyday with so many people . He does not have to feel ashamed. Nor should he feel ashamed of feeling ashamed! All this feeds his ED unnecessarily. You might gently mention to him that his MH is beginning to take its toll on you too. Take care of yourself too OP. Good luck .