So I left my husband after 13 years and three young children together. I was very unhappy and just couldn’t make it work. There were definitely elements of emotional abuse and also narcissistic tendencies, nothing I ever did was good enough, our life wasn’t good enough, I never knew enough to be able to contribute to the house renovations, he would pester me for sex or if not sex then other things until I gave in, whilst we were trying to ‘make things work’ there were times I would be crying and saying I just couldn’t give him those things anymore but he would pester until I gave in…lots of things.
anyway, he has now been moved out for the last 8 months. I know this was the right thing for me, if I allow myself to put aside my guilt for ‘ruining his life’ I am much happier. He hasn’t contributed as much as he should for bills and I have the children for 85-90% of the time, to which he makes me feel guilty that he can’t see them as much, but I will never ever stop him from seeing them whenever he wants to. But he tells me he is a changed person and ‘surely with the right help I want to give it a go for the children’ but sadly I just don’t…or can’t, I’m not sure. We did couples therapy and it didn’t help me to be able to make it work. The children are doing so so well in the new set up, I also would never go back and risk their stability again.
I have recently met someone who I really connect with, but after a separation and feeling the guilt that he still makes me feel about everything and still asks me to try again, even though I say no kindly but firmly every time, how will I be able to start anything new?