My uncle is a freak

[Tambatamba]

My mum's brother moved near to my mum about 8 years ago. He's always been weird but turned out to be a malicious A-hole that none of us saw coming.

He likes to goad people he doesn't know for no reason. Then when the person snaps, he accuses them of being abusive.

He never had any arguments with me, though. Until, one day he decided to report me to social services and made up actual lies about me. The focus of the report was one of my 4 children who he seems to have a fixation on. SS closed the case down without even visiting or anything because they were able to figure out by ringing school etc that the stuff wasn't true.

Anyway, my mum has kept away from him and was angry with him for doing this. And she says that she has come to the conclusion that his behaviour is sociopathic. But she can't seem to bring herself to cut him off completely. He has done bad stuff to her too. And since we don't see him any more, I've noticed that she and I don't argue any more - he was stirring up trouble between us.

The thing that is bothering me now is that he has started asking my mum if she will give him photos of my DC3 - the one he has a fixation on. I'm so angry about this because I told him in no uncertain terms that he's dead to me after this completely unprovoked betrayal.

My question is, should I be scared that he poses a threat to dc3? She's 14. My friend has said that I should move house away from him. Because he only lives 5 minutes walk from him. This is stressing me.

Other red flags 🚩🚩

He often used to say to me years ago 'You should be careful if you date anyone because men will target you so they can groom your daughters'

Books about pedophiles on his book shelf.

I feel unsafe. I don't know whether to just ignore him and hope that he goes away but my mum has really pissed me off - she has been telling him what dd3 is doing now so he could figure out where she is during the day 🤬🤬

I'm not surprised that you're worried for your daughter. He seems weird and your mother is not helping matters.

It's a difficult one. I presume you have told your daughter about him?

I'd be very worried! I think you should have very strong words with your mum and I'd also tell social services and the police.

I wouldn't post any pictures of your daughter on social media and I would get her to nail her own social media right down. I wouldn't give your mother any photos of your daughter either. I would show her photos on my phone but I wouldn't give them to her.

No, trust your gut. Everything about this guy is a red flag and his behaviour is not normal. Your mum is acting like she's been gaslighted into a role of complicity and tbh I'd tell her extremely directly that if she shares any further information about your dc with him then you'll have to stop sharing that information with her in order to protect them. I'd be direct enough to tell her he scares you and you worry that he's a threat to your child and you won't take a risk on that. What she does next is on her.

Tbh if you feel unsafe and you have the means to move then I would. I would have a conversation with your dd about keeping herself safe online and in person and I'd tell her that you don't trust him and she's not to be alone with him in any circumstances. I'd be inclined to contact police and just log his behaviour with them. He's not done anything illegal but I'd want someone to be aware of him. I'd also raise it with her school that he's an unsafe person and provide them with a photo of him.

I'm sorry op that sounds awful but if your gut says he's unsafe and predatory then he likely is. Your mum has likely been around his behaviour for so long thar she's struggling to accept it for what it is.

I don't like to feed into people's paranoia or hysteria but this made me feel horrible reading that.
It does sound like a fixation.

Your mum doesn't see him as a threat but objectively reading that, he's not a man I'd want in proximity of anyones DD.

I'll echo the PP who said social media privacy is to be clamped down on.

Can you get a background check done with Sarah's Law on him?
If something pops up, your DM may go NC.
Tell her nothing about DD now and if it'll cause tension just lie to her.

Now is the Time to run through personal safety with DD but keep reiterating.

I truly hope its nothing at all as sinister as it reads and we're just collectively extra cautious of our children, but again, to echo PP, trust your gut.

You are right to be worried. I think you probably need to speak to the police. Tell them about the malicious reporting to social services, what he said about men targeting you so they could groom your daughters, and now his fixation on your teen dd3, and him wanting photos of her. There's more than enough there for them to take an official interest in him.

That bit about men targeting women to get at their daughters... it makes me wonder if he's done that at some time in his past.

Id do what @determinedtomakethiswork said for sure.
And I would say to your mother that either she promises never ever ever to pass on details about your kiddos again (particularly the one he is fascinated by) you will go NC for their sake. And given that he lives only 5 minutes away I would also consider moving tbh (depending on other factors obviously!)

I would be contacting the police about my concerns and possibly speaking to the school.

I’d make it crystal clear to your mother that if she wishes to know anything about her grandchildren or continue to see them she must stop passing in information to him. To me it really is that serious. She’s going against your wishes and putting her grandchild in possible danger.

definitely have a conversation with your daughter and ensure she knows to scream bloody murder and contact the police if he ever contacts her outside of your home.

I would ask the police for advice. Tell them everything, the books, what he said, the malicious SS report, the requests for pics.

And I would tell your Mum that if she is in contact with him, tells him one single fact, even mentions any of your children, esp your Dd to him, she will not have any further contact or knowledge of your kids.

Does your Dd know to not engage, if she sees him on the street etc? And to tell you if she sees him?

Yes, I've spoken to her about the potential danger. She is on the spectrum, and, as such she is quite naive.