Unsure whether to message a guy I was dating

[AutumnDreamingx]

I was dating someone for around 6 weeks over summer which I ended 3 weeks ago. It wasn’t anything he did, I’d just lost a family member and was really struggling with my grief and I think looking back I probably acted rashly as he was a lovely guy who was very supportive but I was going through a rough time and felt like I wasn’t good company so I told him I wasn’t in the right headspace to date.

A couple of weeks have passed, I’ve started grief counselling and now I’m thinking a lot more clearly I think I reacted too quickly. In fact I miss speaking with him and spending time with him more than I thought I would.

Is it too late to message him? I don’t want to mess him around as that’s not fair so part of me thinks I should just leave it and accept I made a mistake.

I thought I’d post here to get some advice and opinions

In my view life is too short for regret and what ifs. What's the worst that can happen if you message him - he says no and that you did him a favour etc? If you think you're strong enough to cope with that possibility message him and tell him you're sorry/acted too hastily etc. The only caveat is being whether you're sure you have enough mental capacity at the moment for a relationship/dating and that you'd be messaging him for the right reasons.

Of course it’s fine,just text him what you just wrote here. The worst that can happen is him telling you he’s not interested, but I think your claims are completely reasonable.

It wasn't like you ended things for bad reasons or when you were in a long term committed relationship, plus you were grieving. You 100% should message him, like others have said, the worst he can say is he's not interested, but at least you'll know. Sorry for your loss ❤️

Worst thing that can happen is that he says no or doesn't response so just go for it.

Thanks all, I’ve sent him a message. Now for the torturous wait to see if he responds 😂

Good luck OP 🤞

Well he read the message almost immediately and hasn’t replied so I guess that’s that. I don’t blame him to be fair, he probably thinks I’m messing him around.

Never mind, at least I tried. Onwards and upwards!

As you say, at least you tried, and you know you did the right thing explaining and apologising.

He was not interested so bullet dodged. Onwards and upwards.

You did do the right thing. Maybe he is mulling things over, if it's meant to be it will happen otherwise onwards and upwards indeed.

Good job you msg him as now you can move on. 🙂

You did the right thing in asking! Shame if he doesn't want to rekindle it but at least there are no 'what if...s'

"@AutumnDreamingx Well he read the message almost immediately and hasn’t replied so I guess that’s that. I don’t blame him to be fair, he probably thinks I’m messing him around.

Never mind, at least I tried. Onwards and upwards!".

Sorry for your loss Op. 💐. When did you msg? Today? I think you were very courageous. Give him time. Don't give him months but give him a few weeks at least. Good luck op.

Yeah it’s only been 2 days, maybe I should give it a bit more time! I’m terribly impatient 😂

No need to give more time. If he was interested he would have responded. Are you online dating?

2 days :(

Oh well at least you know.

He's not Into you. Move on.

You’re probably right

Honestly, I’m my own worst enemy at times. He was so lovely and keen and I mucked it up.

I was online dating but I think I’m going to take a break from the dating scene for a few months then maybe try again in the new year. With everything that’s went on maybe this is a sign I just need to put it on the back burner!

at least I can say I tried I suppose :)

If a close relative of mine died I would also put on the back burner the online guy I’ve been seeing for a month. This said… you should have sent him a message at the time letting him know, how much you were grieving and that you needed a “dating break” while you dealt with things, if you don’t explain people just tend to think you are ghosting them or found a better prospect. If a guy did this you would think he’s messing you around and cut loose.

@beatrix1234 Oh I did message at the time and explain that I liked him but I wasn’t in the headspace for dating, I didn’t just ghost him a few weeks ago then pop up now

that said, I can still see why he thinks I’d be messing him around!

Oh I see… Then he’s just not interested. He might pop up again if he’s bored or horny, that’s what (flakey) guys do. Or maybe he’s just playing “hard to get” a little bit because you (sorta) dumped him and this is his way of gaining “control” so he’ll get back to you in a few days. In any case I would not worry and just keep yourself busy with the things that really matter (OLD guys don’t), decenter yourself from men.

I expect he is unsure of whether to get involved or not.
some of us do play games and really don’t understand women 😀
Give him a little while longer or why not phone him and ask to meet for a coffee so you can explain face to face?
Online dating I just have no luck with, so probably avoid my advice 😁

I dont think you messed it up, you were not in the right place and needed time.

It's possible he started seeing someone else though, so there is that- and maybe he does not want to tell you that.

I can see why he’d be wary to be fair, I don’t blame him. He could also be seeing someone else!

the way I left it didn’t really need a response if he wasn’t interested I suppose. I’d ended the message with something along the lines of “if you’d like to get coffee or anything at some point let me know” - I don’t think I could ring him after that. I’ll just leave it and see what happens

Do not ring him. You’ve already sent the message, he knows, if he’s interested he’ll get back to you, if he’s not he won’t. Don’t chase men.