How it feels, months later - a thread for hope

[something2say]

Hi,

I was a bit heartbroken earlier this year and am now feeling MUCH better and I thought, 'you know this always happens. I can never see a way through but then it happens anyway and I know it'll be OK.'

I thought we might start a thread to talk about that feeling when the old has faded and a new possibility is on the horizon.

The guy I was heartbroken about had, as usual, good things as well as the red flags. He was SOOO clever and intelligent, he was tall and handsome, he was fucking hot as fuck in bed, gave me multiple orgasms - but he also cheated on his wife and made stupid doorstep comments that pissed me off and he would have demanded I change my life to suit him, he didn't have good attitudes towards women etc - and there was nothing I could do to change any of those things. No matter how much I liked some things it wasn't going to work and it ended.

No other men around. Weeks of moping. Hoping he would message. Going over what I'd do if he did message. Going over the good things. Fantasising about him at night. Blah blah boring blah.

But now I have met someone new. I am not saying the new guy is it, I do not know. What I do know is that so far he is ticking boxes easily. He is as tall as the other guy, and more my type of clever, and better fun and more present and keener and has given me compliments already. And something about his dad, something his dad did that really impressed me where the other guy was elitist and mean. And he is handsome but guileless about it. Doesn't have a clue whereas the other guy LOVED women. I feel so much more comfortable already.

Anyway I'm rambling - but I thought it would be useful for people to remember that the world turns and things change and heartbreak fades and new horizons glimmer.

It isn't all about men, but I want a man to love and I want sex and I don't want to feel shit about a man I liked that I can't have and I want to document that life does get better.

Can anyone relate? When the good times come back. I would love to hear your stories.

I am still in the heartbroken stage, however your post has given me a little smile, which is something I have not done in a while, so thank you.
My ex and I have been broken up aprox 5 weeks now ( his choice) my fault. We are in no contact now, I struggled with no contact and kept reaching out to him and starting conversations with my ex. We have left it that he needs the time & space and the fact I have reached out has not helped ( showing him I cant change / respect what he has asked for - I did not mean badness by it) . He has agreed we can speak in time to see how he feels and if anything has changed but for now it is totally over and he resents me ( he has been honest that it is very unlikely anything will change) so I really do not have much hope for things getting better. This man gave me a taste of a happy loving relationship and I do not see things ever getting better, and I have lost my chance at a future with him. It is really hard to see a positive future at the moment but I am so glad things have turned around for you it is lovely to hear.

Ahh I am sorry, I was there a few weeks ago. I couldn't be with him, but hated letting him go.

So now you're at the empty stage. Sad, gutted, hopeless, can't see a way through.

Have you started losing weight yet? Lol.

But you're who this thread is for. Learn from what you've been through, get better, sharpen your radar. Put out to the universe what you want and OWN what you want.

I found that there was no point going over it because nothing changed. So I fantasised about him and that did help, but I knew it was a lie.

This new guy is completely clean of those insurmountable problems. Feels great.

I met someone at the weekend for a 1 night , now would love to see him again. Completely unexpected but I really do like him, I’ve messaged him. If he replies fantastic, if he doesn’t I’ll be a bit gutted but move on all the same.

I’ve just divorced and had no interest for the last couple of years due to trust and I think I’m a bit wary now, which is a real shame. Thanks for your post

I want to be with him more than anything, it was me that caused the issues and broke his boundary and essentially did not put him first, causing various issues and him to realise he had been shown 0 respect or regard for the last time.
I have lost nearly 2 stone and look awful.

My friends and family seem to think that I am living in a fantasy land and he has made it clear that he does not want to be with me, and nothing will change. I am just clinging on to hope and cant let it go. He was perfect it was me that was the issue, and I hate myself for the way I have made him feel.
Had I respected his boundaries and not get trying to fix things after we split and given him space it maybe would have been differently.
He has said twice since we split, he has sad he is totally done and we will never be a thing again, yet somehow we always end up back at ok lets go in to radio silence and we will see how he feels and we can talk in time ( no time limit as he does not know how long it will take ) I recon a few months at least.
I am the worst over thinker and he knows that, I am worried he is just saying we can talk about things in time to get rid of me, he is blocked me on social media - not my number but sometimes I think if he knows he never wants anything again to just block my number and put my out my misery, I feel that it is stopping me healing.

It doesn't matter whether he blocks or unblocks you. If it is going nowhere you honestly are better off stopping looking at it and deliberately bringing something better to life. I'm so sorry x it sucks when its like this.

Thank you for this hopeful and uplifting post, @something2say. You clearly deserve some fun and happiness.

I have also been going through some tough feelings (so similar to yours!) after a relationship folded in the summer and I take great solace in knowing others have gone through the same thought processes and have come out the other side - even if there are bad days.

your post has reminded me of a mantra I try to recall when love stuff feels heavy/elusive: there will be more love. Mr hot misogynist can and will be yesterday’s news. His upgrade can also be replaced. 7 billion people etc etc.

here’s to new horizons and better bets. Oh, and the three dates I have lined up this week 😆😆

Three dates!! Yippee!!

Have a fantastic time.

I am still heartbroken nine months on and he's engaged to the girl he left me for. I love to read light at the end of this awful tunnel stories x

I'm just over a year things ending with my ex.

I'm still heartbroken over it and miss him terribly.

The new guy of 9 months is nice enough, but we don't have the feels for each other. We're viewing each other as a place holder until someone better comes along.

It is helpful to hear. I'm 4 weeks in, I had a terrible weekend but something's clicked in my head today. We were a 'love each other but there's a fundamental issue we can't ignore' category to do with our paths in life.

My friend said to me yesterday that what's she's hearing me talking and taking on too much responsibility for what's happened. And she's right. Because there's no baddie who did a bad thing, I got into a bit of a cycle of looking for ways around the issue, what I could have done. But actually, we both could have done things differently, and in that is possibly the answer - that maybe we weren't meant to be and this was inevitable.

So I'm feeling a bit more life myself again, I know that I have a lot to offer, I deserve happiness and I'm a funny, cool, smart woman. He had that in his grasp, and for his own personal reasons, he's had to let that go.