Keeping my relationship a secret ...what do I do?

[aabri]

I'm 36 and always had boyfriends but it never felt right.
I met a woman and fell for her but it didn't work out
My friends reactions were not great
Friend 1 -why ? You like men -oh no I couldn't go with a woman -eugh (and after nights out stopped sharing a bed with me )
Friend 2-well it's not really right is it,a man and a woman is right -then went down a road of saying women shouldn't be allowed kids with women (didn't even finish that convo as it upset me )
Anyway -2 1/2 years ago I met a woman and I've basically kept it a secret from these two friends
They've asked and all I've said is we are friends
Other friends are over the moon for me
I'm honestly so happy
We have a great life together and she proposed on holiday.
I still can't tell me two friends
I was out with friend 1 and another girl a month ago and we had some drinks -she then made a off the cuff comment about "oh not going in there-it's a gay bar"
Also to add to the mix my dad is 82 and I also haven't told him as he would disown me,

I don't want to loose my fiancé -I love her so much
I'm just worried about how things will pan out
What would you do ?
What if the friends find out and hate me for keeping secrets ?

I'd drop them, they aren't friends.

As for your dad, that depends on if you want to continue a relationship with him?

You are treating your partner appallingly by making her your dirty little secret.

Your 2 friends sound nasty and homophobic.

Your dad sounds set in his ways, at least he has age as an excuse I suppose.

Either let people know who you are with or let your partner go.

Yeah, get rid of the "friends".

They sound awful and are obviously homophobic, get rid of them and tell them why.

These girls are NOT friends and are not nice people by the sounds of it either.

Put yourself first and live your life for you. It can be hard to find love these days- don't let anything or anyONE ruin it- especially a couple of homophobic bitches!

You need to respect your partner or you'll push her away. You can't keep someone a secret.

Tell your friends you're engaged to a woman and if they can't be happy for you let them drift off. They don't sound great people anyway.

Your father might not be as simple but she deserves better than just to be kept quiet. You might actually find he's mellowed when faced with less or no support in his old age.

Drop the friends!! If you're happy they should be happy for you, whether or not your partner is male or female!

They are not your friends! You deserve friends who will love and accept you for who you are, and your partner deserves to be in a relationship with someone who is proud to be with her.

I don’t know what to suggest about your Dad, has he ever said anything that would make you think he wouldn’t take it well? I didn’t come out to my mum until I was 28 because I was worried about how she’d react (even though she’d never said anything to make me think she would react badly) and she just looked at me and asked if she was meant to be surprised

Are you wondering how to keep your nasty homophobic friends happy and are keeping your girlfriend secret from them?

Drop them before she drops you. Because she will!

You're either in or out,you need to decide which you are and then deal with it as necessary. I'm straight but cannot abide homophobia, how can you call those women friends when they say such horrible things?

Those aren't your friends.

Is there any chance your dad might surprise you and not be so hardline about it? Might have mellowed with age and want to keep the relationship with you? I do hope so because that terrible attitude should've died out by now. Your 'friends' don't even have the excuse of being 82. That kind of ignorance is disgusting now and you have no need to feel fear or shame of their judgment. Quite the opposite. They're the ones who should be shamed and judged by you. Be happy with your true love and anyone who disapproves can do one.

Those women are not your friends. Don't let homophobia of two eejits ruin your relationship with the person that you love.

It seems to me that you have a bit of entrenched homophobia yourself, which maybe is stopping you from seeing how prejudice these women are being. It's not exactly analogous, but imagine that you were engaged to an Asian man or a wheel chair user, and your friends expressed these opinions about your choices. I'm assuming that you would feel justified in telling them to go fuck themselves! This really is no different.

A simple solution. Just tell them the two of you are getting married. Hopefully this will make them question their value and belief system. If not it is time to drop them as friends. I remember having to tell my parents that I believed I was gay and so was ending my marriage. It was my Dad who amused me by referring to the classic book The Well of loneliness. Crikey how did my Dad know about that 🫢 They said they just wanted me to be happy. All the best to you both.

Yes, dump your ignorant friends.

I lost a friend in similar circumstances OP. I'd been married, to a man. That ended and I "came out ". I had a best friend for many years. When I started a gay relationship, My friend disappeared from my life. I did feel a bit bereft but i moved on. I'd met my wife, and we're very happy.
The friend did eventually get in touch, years later. We met up and she was at pains to emphasise that homophobia wasn't the issue, she just couldn't cope with me being gay 🤦‍♀️.
Then she disappeared again. Some people aren't meant to be lifelong friends.

Hold your head high and live the life you want.

Who cares what someone else thinks!!!!

Echoing what many PPs have said - these people aren't friends. How anyone that age can be so narrow-minded is beyond me.
As for your Dad, he may be more understanding than you think.
It's not fair on your fiancé (or you) to be living in the shadows.

Being kept a dirty little secret because my fiance's friends were homophobic would be a deal breaker for me. Have some respect for the woman you love and tell them. They'll grow up or walk away.

As for your Dad, are you happy to marry without him there?

Your dad is of an age where he probably wouldn't understand, but he may still be happy for you.

The "friends" you describe are vile. Dump them immediately and concentrate on your lovely partner. I wish you all happiness 🙂

They are not good friends.

If they can’t accept who you are they are not your friends are they? I would drop the friends.

I'd ditch the friends, they're really not friends.
As for your dad, if he's capable of disowning you, that can't be blamed/excused by his age. I'd tell him and then it becomes his choice. It'd take quite something to disown your child.

Your friends don't sound very nice. If they can't accept you for who you are and, by default, accept your relationship then lose them.