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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Slapped him...

33 replies

starryx · 17/09/2023 22:45

I hate having to post this but I need advice...

Basically I slapped my boyfriend twice
We have been together 2 years and have a place together

But tonight was a build up of hours telling me how useless I was and how I hadn't contributed to the house at all.. all because I said we shared something but he insisted ownership.

Then what did it for me was when he said he could kick me out like that and happily pack my bags so I can live else where or move in with my family...
He was drunk.
Then it just broke me

I do feel horrible well even more worse than horrible for doing it.. so upset that I hurt him like that. I don't know why I resulted to hitting him with a slap. Violence should never been a result no matter how angry or upset I am.

I don't know what to do from here any help or advice?

OP posts:

Coyoacan · 18/09/2023 13:18

rebecca100 · 18/09/2023 04:21

Imagine if this was the other way around and the male partner had slapped the female because he was 'driven' to it by verbal abuse.
He wouldn't be getting any of this sympathy, you'd all be advising to report to police for immediately regardless of the reason why it happened.
I don't agree with how he's treated her at all, but physical violence is never acceptable.

There's always at least one person who makes this comment on most mumsnet pages, it's tedious. Nobody has supported the OP's violence.

PaintedEgg · 18/09/2023 13:23

@Coyoacan but people have defended her actions and this forum has a tendency to excuse even the most horrendous actions as long as done by women.

@starryx move out. We don't know what led to his comments and how true they were - but if it is indeed his house and you slap him for staying this then the relationship is dead anyway

GingerIsBest · 18/09/2023 13:27

It sounds like reactive abuse. But reactive abuse is not okay any more than people claiming that their abusive behaviours are as a result of mental health issues.

what you need to do is walk away. Because your only OTHER option is to accept all the verbal and financial abuse he is sending your way.

jolaylasofia · 18/09/2023 13:30

if this was a man we would be telling the injured party to call the police and leave. regardless of what was said you have violently attacked him and need to remove yourself from the relationship before it gets any worse.

Pinkbonbon · 18/09/2023 13:54

PaintedEgg · 18/09/2023 13:23

@Coyoacan but people have defended her actions and this forum has a tendency to excuse even the most horrendous actions as long as done by women.

@starryx move out. We don't know what led to his comments and how true they were - but if it is indeed his house and you slap him for staying this then the relationship is dead anyway

Well I don't know to whom you refer to there. But I certainly do not have a tendency to excuse women arseholes on the basis of them being women. There are just many abusive women out there as men. And they are all the same beast. My grandmother was abusive and I'm the first person to advise anyone in these situations to leave. Man or women.

But do I have sympathy for an arsehole emotionally abusive man who gets a small taste of his own medicine back in the form of a smack? Not really. Tbh I look back and think of a few I wish I'd KO'd woth a fucking shovel and buried under a patio somewhere xD (joking... ... probably)

In all seriousness though, hitting someone is always wrong. But there's a difference between being evil and making mistakes. People who systematically abuse their partners are evil. People who react to that abuse in the wrong way, made a mistake due to ongoing psychological abuse.

A woman slapping a man is not ok. He should leave. But I bet he won't (at least not longterm), he'll stay and punish her for it. Because that's what abusers want, to push you till you break, react wrong, and then stay and punish you for it. That's how they get their kicks.

As I said before, they steal you from yourself but by bit. You find yourself doing things you'd bever have done before them. That's why you have to get out, before you're changed forever. (And before you have to start doing a lot of 'late night gardening' and planting some new rose bushes).

PaintedEgg · 18/09/2023 14:11

@Pinkbonbon definitely not you - I was thinking about all those cases where women are presented as perpetual victims even if they're not (e.g. recent thread on depp).

what OP has on her hands is a toxic relationship. He doesn't respect her, she slaps him for venting his grievances. If we were to dig deeper probably not all of those grievances are unreasonable as well, but possibility exaggerated.

and lets face it - threatening someone with kicking them out of their home is vile. Not as vile as physical abuse, but it's awful. There is no sense of safety in one's life if we cannot be sure about the roof over our heads.

So he is threatening to kick her out, she is hitting him...they should just split up

Pinkbonbon · 18/09/2023 14:20

Absolutely, life's too short to waste in toxic relationships.

AlrightThen · 18/09/2023 16:01

I don't know, I feel it's much worse when a man slaps a woman but when I imagine I slap someone... surely the person would lose respect for me?

But sometimes two animals just live in the same nest and it doesn't matter.

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