Tips for plucking up courage to pack case and leave?

[Martacus]

I'm trying to pluck up the courage to pack up a large suitcase and leave my husband. I was hoping for some tips.

I've posted on here about him a couple of times and I've changed my username for this. He has been really unfair on me financially after accepting my family money for buying the house. He often shouts at me. We have no kids yet. I often feel I need to leave.

We often have good days too, when he is kind to me and we do normal things together (such as seeing friends and family). In these moments, things feel ok.

I feel like one moment I am ready to leave and be brave about being alone. I start thinking about that alternative life and being free of all the arguments. The next moment, I feel terrified about not having him to talk to and I feel so sad about it. My uncertain future overwhelms me too.

So I keep dithering. Sometimes I half pack a case and look up an air bnb. I once even booked off annual leave to do it. But then I can't actually do it. I feel I am wasting time.

Any tips? Is this normal? Does anyone leave without any doubts and hesitations? Had anyone just carried on in this state, and if so, did things get better?

Don't overthink it - just do it. You know deep down he's not a good man and you should leave. Just put one foot in front of the other and give yourself a better life

Do it. Life is too short.

Could you go away for a few days and see how you feel without him?
Maybe just a couple of nights away with a friend? You'll either miss him or feel better away from him.

I get what you mean about the fear of loneliness but eventually you will feel so terribly lonely in your marriage, worse than being alone.

Also of course he's nice sometimes. All abusers are otherwise they wouldn't suck you in or keep you there. What happens is that you keep working harder and harder to gain the nice side that you become worn out with it and it's diminishing returns as he makes less and less effort the more tied you are to him (financially, sunk costs, children etc).