I'm struggling with my 10 year marriage. We have two kids together (16, 9) we argue a lot I don't think he's nice to me and recently has become abit of a bully and pushing me around abit. Every single thing is my fault and he won't listen to me. But he says he loves me. He's very up and down. When there are glimmers of hope it's really good but when it's bad which is becoming almost daily I'm sooooo anxious and I can't concentrate. I feel under threat is the only way I can describe it. It's a massive long story of heartache and loss to understand how we got here but how do I leave??? We have a house we can't sell, there's nothing to rent. I'm so frightened I'll be a shit mum on my own. I have no money, he has a rich family. I can't watch him leave I don't feel strong enough. I was thinking of writing a letter and going away for a couple of days? I don't know what to do. Am I being gaslighted? It's like he gives me the cold shoulder and ignores me and goes out for hours but then says I'm imagining it. He's off with me all day but then asks me in the most unromantic way for sex. Because of us not getting along I don't want to but if I say no he gets in a mood and is cold with me allday. Then he will turn into Superdad with the kids leaving me anxious and stressed. I've just started weekly counselling which I'm hoping will help me see things abit more clearly. I'm just reaching out for some words of support really. I feel like I'm drowning here :(