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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you leave? How do you know it's the right thing to do?

3 replies

unisurge · 17/09/2023 20:53

I'm struggling with my 10 year marriage. We have two kids together (16, 9) we argue a lot I don't think he's nice to me and recently has become abit of a bully and pushing me around abit. Every single thing is my fault and he won't listen to me. But he says he loves me. He's very up and down. When there are glimmers of hope it's really good but when it's bad which is becoming almost daily I'm sooooo anxious and I can't concentrate. I feel under threat is the only way I can describe it. It's a massive long story of heartache and loss to understand how we got here but how do I leave??? We have a house we can't sell, there's nothing to rent. I'm so frightened I'll be a shit mum on my own. I have no money, he has a rich family. I can't watch him leave I don't feel strong enough. I was thinking of writing a letter and going away for a couple of days? I don't know what to do. Am I being gaslighted? It's like he gives me the cold shoulder and ignores me and goes out for hours but then says I'm imagining it. He's off with me all day but then asks me in the most unromantic way for sex. Because of us not getting along I don't want to but if I say no he gets in a mood and is cold with me allday. Then he will turn into Superdad with the kids leaving me anxious and stressed. I've just started weekly counselling which I'm hoping will help me see things abit more clearly. I'm just reaching out for some words of support really. I feel like I'm drowning here :(

OP posts:
user12345678912334 · 17/09/2023 20:56

No real words of advice. I'm going through exactly the same.
But just know you aren't the only one dealing with this.
I'm 25 years in, it doesn't get easier and it's harder to leave.
It's not you it's him.

malazzie · 17/09/2023 21:19

I just don't know how to make this massive decision to split up the family. I can't imagine being without my kids at Christmas and birthdays. But I can't go on like this I literally feel as if im going crazy. I want to run away :(

buckleten · 17/09/2023 21:40

I too feel like this, although my husband has not mistreated me in any way which makes it harder - how to walk away and face an uncertain future at the wrong side of 50? But I feel trapped and so bored, dread the weekends and love being at work which I think speaks volumes..

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