Hold hand please- i need to know this isn't right

[Stompyblue]

In order to keep this as short as possible im going to list comments made by husband to me or children or just in general today. I know these are not right but i need some backing as i think he's got so much into my head i need reassurance. So please no judging im trying to leave through help but currently stuck

• I've had enough with this fucking house

-these kids are useless

• move your fucking big head
• hate my life
• this is why you shouldn't let them touch anything

-they have no respect

• your milking pregnancy
• just get up and do it
• 'name' don't wake mummy up too early or i won't get any
• why don't you just do as your told
• this is why you all deserve nothing
• she won't let us get a new dog
• you shouldn't do that while pregnant (while he watches over)

. Ive probably forgot some but please tell me I'm not going insane and it's shit.

It’s shit. He sounds vile. Do you have support to leave him?

You are right. Can you tell him to leave?

Sounds revolting and abusive.

Currently getting support through midwife to get him to leave, it's my house etc. If i told him to leave he would get really bad and take our 2 year old. Older children not his.

Next meeting is Wednesday but it's been a tough weekend and getting worse.

I have no family local and hes isolated me from friends

Reach out to a friend op. I bet they know why you haven't been around. Let them be there for you.

Someone with real knowledge will be here soon. please again contact a friend. X

@Stompyblue
OP, can you contact Women's Aid? Their details will be online, you say your midwife is helping, but it sounds like you need help right now. If it's your house and you have asked him to leave, he should do just that.

Hi Op, not at all condoning his behaviour in any way but what is the long term narrative - is this new? He sounds very depressed and stressed, again not saying it’s right AT ALL.

Just read your update - Glad you have the midwife to support you x

It's been going on nearly 3 years so not new but progressive worse on recent months. I have asked him about mh to be shut down

Bollocks. He sounds ABUSIVE, not stressed.

What can your midwife do? I'd tell family, friends, shine some light on this.

He sounds appalling.

If it's your house, can you get some large friends round and throw him out?

• 'name' don't wake mummy up too early or i won't get any

They are all bad but this one made my skin crawl. Who says that to a CHILD?! 😡.

He is abusive and you need to get the hell away from him ❤. Call Women's Aid who.will be able to help you with advice and support.
All the best! 💕

The sex comment to your child is deeply not okay and makes me worry about his boundaries about what's appropriate to say and do in front of the kids. I don't mean that he's a sexual threat to them or anything like that, just that his idea of what is okay to discuss in front of them is all out of whack. The other other stuff is really mean and spiteful, but that's just gross and smacks to me of someone who doesn't understand what's normal in a family set up. Was his family of origin dysfunctional? Not that that would make it okay, but it would explain a few things.

She is arranging meetings with local charities to out me in control of the children so he cant take them as i feel he is a threat in terms of wellbeing.

Unfortunately i dont have any one like that

Normal family upbringing very Christian (although he is not now). Mum and dad till they split up in teens still contact with both sl no real alarm bells there.

Ive pulled him up on comments before like that and he said its a joke but clearly no normal person would say that. I wouldn't say sex is forced but i think ive come to give in when he says so i dont have to listen to any more comments

Sex comment is disgusting. I had to read it several times to work out what it meant because I couldn’t believe an adult male would say that to a child. I hope the child didn’t understand. Given that he’s a cunt, I hope he didn’t get ‘any’.

Don’t worry about his mental health- who the fuck cares. Just focus on off-loading him.

You are going to be busy now, on your own ( thank God) with a baby and a 2 yo and the older one, but the next man you choose to bring into all your lives really does need to be a lot fucking better.

I haven’t any obvious advice but hopefully your midwife can point you in the right direction.💐🌻💐

See a solicitor ASAP, speak to WA & speak to your midwife, tell her it's unbearable with his abuse. How long have you been married?

He is not a good man

He abuses you and the kids

He is self centred, manipulative and nasty

You are not going insane - please get out and what ever rubbish he now says, however much he begs and promises to change because he has had a bad day at work / he was only joking / you don't understand him - whatever bullshit he spins, do not believe it. He doesn't deserve to be a partner and a dad

Very best wishes to you and your children - you deserve much, much better than this

There is always a reason behind behaviour you know. I didn’t say it was ok.

Your message is rude and dismissive.

But I agree after reading Ops updates that it isn’t right at all. For all we know he could have just had a major life upset. Even the calmest and kindest people can begin a cycle of inappropriate/cruel behaviour under immense stress.
People shouldn’t always just see black and white.

Best of luck op. Keep seeking support xx

@TheSpikySpinosaurus

It sound s like domestic abuse. Please contact Women's Aid:.

You can self refer to MASH (your midwife may already have done it) and you can access social services support that way.

Meanwhile keep any proof of the abuse - texts etc and keep engaging with your midwife. Call the police as soon as you feel he has become a physical risk to you or your children, including sexually.

See a solicitor. Consult with all the local solicitors; unless it has changed since I saw one, if they have consulted with you they cannot represent him (someone will correct me if I'm wrong).