Verbal and emotional abuse

[natel]

I took my brother away for a few days as he suffers from mental health issues. Yesterday I booked a ferry to an island as a day trip. First he had a go at me for a good 40 minutes for not stopping at 2 specific supermarkets as he wanted to get fresh orange juice and a salad. I went to 1 supermarket but there wasn't enough salad variety. So I went back to the 2 places he said and they didn't do fresh orange juice and there was less salad.

Then later we went to an arcade. I did a 17 second video and 11 second video of him on a coconut shy as he was having fun. Later I deleted the 17 second video because my phone is so old with minimal memory I wanted to take a 4 photos of a village. I thought at least I still have 1 video. Even now I can't take anymore photos.

He was furious I deleted the one video saying it was the better one. He went mad saying I should have used his phone to film, I don't know how as he was busy playing the game. Usually he goes mad if anyone tries to take a photo of him because he is overweight. He said that was the most fun he had in long time, that I don't respect him and he got aggressive saying I was a fat b*ed c**t. I sobbed my heart out in the car as I tried to give him a holiday which he didn't have to pay for and thinks it is ok to disrespect me. He mocked me crying saying boohoo and continued even though I was upset saying he has no sympathy.

Today I have to get home as I have work tomorrow. We have not spoken since. I just can't believe someone would be so abusive. I feel I am wasting my time. I told him yesterday it was evil and you can't take back those words once said. My dad have said before why do I bother when he has no gratitude. I don't know what to do as I feel really low today.

The swear word was fat b*rd c*t as it seems to have shortened in my post.

He sounds like a horrible, controlling person and having been on the receiving end of emotional and psychological abuse it will eventually wear you down into a husk.

Unfortunately, these people do not change no matter what you do. I would distance yourself for your own well-being and don't do anything for him, he clearly doesn't appreciate it.

Let him live his life and you live yours don't become an emotional punching bag it doesn't end well.

Whatever his MH issues are, they don't excuse being horrible to you like this. Your dad is right. Draw a line and don't blame or guilt-trip yourself. If needs be, inform him (message/email if you can't tangle with him again) that he crossed the line, you refuse to be treated so badly when you're doing a well-intended thing for him and you won't be doing it again. Then disengage and don't bother with him. You have your own MH to look after and no one needs that shit.

He's your brother, hopefully he doesn't live with you. Cut all contact, he has to learn speaking to you like that has consequences.

Being your brother doesn't mean he gets to treat you like that. Accepting abuse like this is so damaging and wears you down. I would definitely go no contact, for your own mental health.

Not that it matters really, but he has no remorse. Can you imagine speaking to someone that you have an iota of respect for that way? No. You don't have to put up with this.

I agree. And disagree. He has MH issues and that's not an excuse. You shouldn't have to put up with it at all. It's out of order. But sounds to me there is definitely some trauma he hasn't yet dealt with. He's not beyond help. He obviously hasn't learnt to handle his anger or dealt with his emotional immaturity. Its not something he can learn by himself, it's a technique he can learn to control himself. I'm only offering an alternative view as I don't think we can just write people off when there's obviously pain, and causing pain. OP you could probably fill in the gaps about your upbringing, I'm betting it wasn't all rosy and would benefit from some kind of therapy.

Women don't have to be the punchbag for men who haven't dealt with their issues, medical, mental or emotional. Brother may well be in all manner of pain, but he needs professional help. It's not on OP to do any more for him. She's done more than most would and been treated horrendously. She's not equipped to do more and nor should she have to.

You're not a rehab for your brother, and you should no longer tolerate his abuse. This last episode should be an absolute deal breaker for you. Cut him off and don't look back.

OP that sounds like a really great day out, what a kind thing to do.

But your DB is nasty. You are right in feeling hurt and this is blatant abuse. Unforgivable in my opinion.

Sounds like he has zero respect for you, knows how to manipulate you into going from one shop to the next for food, paying for things, making you cry then mocking you, that is just a horrible thing to do.

I am not sure what sort of mental illness he suffers with, so only you can decide if this is something you can forgive. It depends on the mental illness too, how it shows itself on a bad day, and how its managed. Mental illness is not just depression, and I am sure you know that too, it is way more complex than that, and I am certainly not excusing his behavior here. He is fully aware of what he is doing clearly.

So if this is a complex mental illness, is this reoccurring thing where he does this?
Is he using his mental illness as an excuse to take things out on you?
Are you his only target? or are there other family members too that have to put up with this?

A rotten behavior is a choice and not primarily due to mental illness

You've been very too kind but he is abusive. For your own sake you need to distance yourself from him.

If he contacts you, tell him you will consider a relationship with him when gets the help for his mental health that he needs, as you refuse to he emotional punch bag any longer.