Need to talk about it, don't know how

[trampoline123]

I've been with my partner for 6 years and we have two children under 3. We both work full time and are always on the go as you can imagine.

Of course our sex life isn't as rampant as it used to be but we live each-other and have sex once a week maybe, sometimes more sometimes less depending what's going on. I'll admit I tend to just go to bed once the kids are finally down and we've had dinner (which is sometimes 9pm).

I'm finding he's putting on pressure to have sex and it's putting me off and not wanting to do it.

For example, we've gone away kid free so obviously he's got expectations in his mind. I've come down with a sick bug that was doing the rounds last week, but still he's pawing at me and asking for sex and it's just annoying and off putting. I just got out the shower and he asked to see my fanny.

Then on normal days it's like he wants to pre plan it all the time like a schedule and I prefer it being organic.

The only way I can describe it, is like he's being a randy teenager.

I need to bring this up with him but don't know how. He's quite sensitive and I don't want to hurt his feelings and for him to feel like he can never try it on. How can I approach this? He will say don't you find me attractive and I do, but the way he's acting is making me find him not attractive.

Well, the way he's acting, he's not showing much care and consideration for you, is he?

Just tell him straight.

'I have a sick bug. Why do you think I'd want to to have sex or show you my fanny? I'd feel much more loved if you actually looked after me. Then I'd be more likely to want sex with you!'

And 'I don't like to schedule sex. I feel under pressure. The way you keep pestering for sex is putting me off you. If you're randy, have a wank. Just back off for a bit.'

This ^^

Communication is key.

Show me your fanny. Charming! Last time I heard that was in the playground. At primary school.

If he’s pressurising you for sex when you are sick, it proves he doesn’t care about you or about full consent.

He just wants to use you for sex because that’s what he wants.

Its pretty horrifying.

When men behave like this, it's like they're forgetting that the woman they are with is a person with autonomy and feelings. A human being. They "see" a body to have sex with. It's grim.

That's how it makes me feel.

I think I'm find it a bit triggering, and it's making me feel like I used to when I was younger and let guys pretty much use me for sex.

It's not always like this, but when he acts like that I just hate it.

I think it's obvious he isn't happy with our sex life and wants me to make more time for him which I get, he's just not going about it the right way. He's not been like this until recently.

Sounds like you need to talk OP. And don’t hold back on what your boundaries are and how his sex pest behaviour makes you feel.

Be v clear about what happened when you were sick. That was really horrendous behaviour on his part. He really objectified you.

He certainly has very little respect for you trampoline123
you need to talk straight to him about your feelings & personal space. A marriage license does not give him control of your body at any time he likes.

To treat you like you like that when you are unwell is very disrespectful and not the actions of a sensitive person OP. A firm chat is definitely needed as he sounds extremely selfish.