What would you do?

[Red2curls]

I need some constructive advice. My very newly (around 8 weeks) ex partner attempted to end his life and is on an informal section.
Prior to this he was still living with me until he found somewhere else to live. We have a daughter together and wanted to remain amicable for her.
He's a heavy drinker on an evening, this has never ok impacted on his ability to care for our daughter and he's not a nasty drunk in anyway. However it has significantly contributed towards his mental health and his behaviour over the last 8 weeks and more.
He is due to be discharged in a couple of days. He's been given priority for housing however they're not going to find him somewhere that quickly.
Do I allow him to come back to my home on a temporary basis? The alternative is a homeless hostel. Despite everything he's done to me and I absolutely do not want a relationship with him anymore I'm struggling with this alternative. I don't think it will aid his situation plus like I said he's tha father to our daughter and on the whole has been a good dad.

I should say he's adamant he won't ever drink again and this has been a complete wake up call

Being really blunt, living with you didn't aid his situation either. Going back to the place he used alcohol and where he was when he tried to end his life probably isn't ideal.

He'll get housing more quickly if he's in a shelter.

I'm so sorry though. I know it's incredibly hard.

My instinct would be no. What if he tries again and your DD finds him? If you give him a home, no matter how short-term, the council can legitimately say he is not homeless and therefore a lower priority.

The 'I'll never drink again' statement is worthless if he is a problem drinker.

I know it's harsh but he's an ex. Doesn't he have family other than your dd?

Absolutely not. You must put your daughter's welfare before all else, and allowing her to live with an unstable, alcoholic parent is not doing that.

This sounds very difficult

I take it he does not have any other family?
The suicide attempt is a worry - I assume they are discharging because they feel he no longer had suicidal ideation?

The drinking is a worry - and normally I would say someone has to reach rock bottom before they make the change they need to

The big question is - are you able to cope?
Will he adhere to any boundaries you set or will he see this as a step towards reconciliation?

I also think as PP that he won't get housing if they think he has somewhere to live

Sorry this was not very helpful

Under no circumstances should you allow a suicidal alcoholic back in your home.

He goes to the hostel where he will get priority housing and help with his addiction. It’s best for everyone.

You absolutely cannot trust someone with alcohol issues to be telling the truth when they say they have given up drinking just like that.

He might think that right now, but trust me, if his mental health is poor enough that he's making attempts on his own life, the first time a stressful situation comes up for him, he'll be straight back on the bottle. Chronic problem drinkers need to be in some kind of ongoing therapy with accountability and to be working a recovery programme before they are likely to stay abstinent.

You need to put yourself and your daughter first, and that means saying no to having him in your house.

Homeless hostel. Definitely.

He is not your responsibilty, but your daughter is. She needs protection from what might happen next time. You are a good person for wanting to help him. But he should not be your choice now. Another adult in his life, or professionals must help him.

Absolutely do not let him move back in, a heavy drinker is not a good father and he shouldn't be allowed to look after your daughter. Allowing him to live with you again is enabling him, he needs to sort this out himself.