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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why not answer the phone?

10 replies

Thighdentitycrisis · 16/09/2023 23:15

I’m in a LDR. He has a tendency to be paranoid I think about my lack of enthusiasm recently. Eg thinking I’m seeing someone else! Anyway, he called tonight and I just missed it. Called back immediately and he didn’t pick up, what is the problem here? I’m left thinking he’s now thinking up some other imaginary slight. Thinking of ending it but don’t know how/ don’t have the courage

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 17/09/2023 01:32

Better get used to summoning up the gumption in life, because it doesn't get any easier than ending a LDR. Imagine if you knew you could bump into them as local, or if it was easy for them to turn up at your place for 'resolution'.
If you struggle with this, you are at risk of putting up with a whole lot of crap in the future. So grow some, and end it if that's what's best for you ( if you wait for him to give you grief over not getting to the phone on demand, it might help you muster up the courage). You'll be doing him a favour, he probably has sussed something is wrong, which has made him clingy).

TGGreen · 17/09/2023 06:02

Huge red flags already. Run.

Mummy08m · 17/09/2023 06:36

I’m left thinking he’s now thinking up some other imaginary slight.

Ugh that sounds awful. I wouldn't even want that in a friendship let alone a boyfriend

C1N1C · 17/09/2023 06:39

How many times has this happened?

Not answering a phone once and you getting anxious about it could also be seen as a red flag for him! For all you know he could have tried calling and put it on charge when you didn't pick up.

Thighdentitycrisis · 17/09/2023 13:01

A variety of answers and every one correct in some way, thank you all.

@Mummy08m we used to be just friends for a long time, so I do know all of his positive points too. I could probably be ok going back to that if he was.

@C1N1C I can’t remember that happening before. Possibly. And he often complains I don’t call him enough so is touchy about it. It’s true he may have charged his phone within the 60 secs it took for me to call back.

However, I just checked my call log and can see there was an incoming from him of 1 second. Then my call out the minute after. That must have been me fumbling the phone to answer and most likely picked up and cut off in the same instant. I would predict this was interpreted as deliberate and that I put the phone down on him.

I wouldn’t describe myself as anxious about him not picking up, Im just looking for opinions on this as I’m on my own.

@Opentooffers
( if you wait for him to give you grief over not getting to the phone on demand, it might help you muster up the courage). You'll be doing him a favour, he probably has sussed something is wrong, which has made him clingy).

this resonates with me, thank you it helps to see it written down.
I am thinking I will see how he approaches this. Past misdemeanours include not enough terms of affection in response to his texts, arguing /not letting him talk about his interests (disagreeing with his opinions) not choosing, choosing, I could go on but it’s tedious and depressing

@TGGreen
appreciate your brevity

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 17/09/2023 13:08

He's punishing you for not being immediately available to speak to him.

FictionalCharacter · 17/09/2023 13:09

“I could go on but it’s tedious and depressing”
So it’s not a good relationship at all.
Even the first post had me thinking this is a man to avoid.
It’s a LDR, you don’t live together or see him every day. Just tell him the relationship isn’t working so you’re ending it. You don’t owe him any explanation so don’t get drawn into explaining yourself whatsoever. Ignoring him might be difficult for you at first, but you just have to. Just imagine being free of the depressing tedium!

Thighdentitycrisis · 17/09/2023 15:51

Yup, seems like that doesn’t it. Yawn zzzzz😁

OP posts:
Tabitha1950s · 17/09/2023 22:34

Why are you wasting your precious life on this waste of space?

Really, you will look back and wonder why.

Just get rid. You don't need the drama.

And find a real relationship!

Thighdentitycrisis · 18/09/2023 08:25

Don’t really want another relationship, that’s why LDR kind of works for me I suppose

OP posts:
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