Living with an addict

[DarkChocolateMint]

My OH has decided he wants to attend CA meetings.

Has not attended yet.....!

Debt has been paid of multiple times now and he has been gambling to try to recoup losses.

I want to be supportive as a wife and as he is the father of my kids.

I do not and have not ever used drugs. I HATE the misery they cause.

He does not do it daily but is a problem user and finds it hard to say no when offered it.

Has anyone made it through an addiction or been in a relationship with someone who had an addiction?

I dont know if he is strong enough to overcome this honestly and I want to be supportive but I am not sure how much I can take.

I didnt know what was worse when he was caught doing things he shouldnt be.... silly mistakes I kept forgiving vs an addiction which just feels so overwhelming.

Kids are more than ok and totally safe.

He works long hours.

I feel like everywhere I turn in life Cocaine is there!! Its rife where I live, feels like everyone takes it and its just accepted.

Its horrific and I just dont know what to do.

I dont want to cast him aside but I get worried if i leave i would obviously HAVE to hand my kid over to him for access and it would kill me because I wouldnt know what he was up to.

Please be kind.

I have a really great job and a really nice life because I work very hard as does he. We have everything and way more than the average person.

I just dont get it. 💔

You are powerless over drugs, but there is a 12 step group for the families/friends of a loved one with a suspected drug problem www.famanon.org.uk They have a helpline, a forum, literature, face to face and online meetings. I have found FA to be a lifeline, I’ve learnt to detach with love, tough love, stop enabling, set & stick to boundaries. The 3 C’s are
You didn’t CAUSE it
You cannot CONTROL it
You cannot CURE it
Going forward, you are right to be concerned about your OH having access to your kids. Get your ‘ducks in a row’ by reporting your concerns to professionals I.e. GP, school/nursery etc. This is to demonstrate that you are prioritising your children’s welfare and you need to build up evidence. Also protect your finances. Addicts are very manipulative and fantastic liars.

My DH did and went to some CA meetings. It was hard, but we got through it. It wasn't all plain sailing though as alcohol eventually took its place, as well as an OW (albeit briefly, but a desire to self sabotage runs deep). He no longer abuses substances (alcohol or drugs), but still suffers from low mood. It was very hard going, but I'm happy I stuck with him.

I'm not saying this is what you should do though as I am very aware that 99.9% of leopards don't change their spots, and there's always a danger of an addictive nature rearing it's ugly head again. Plus, it will be doing your mental health damage and this may last long after the substance use is a distant memory.