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Original poster

Help - dating an introvert

42 replies

bumblebreath · 16/09/2023 18:45

I have been dating a man I met on tinder for about a month. After about a week of chatting we went on 2 dates on consecutive days. Then we didn't see each other for about 3 weeks due to holidays and busy schedules. We stayed in touch via whatsapp, though not as intensively as before we met.

We have seen each other 3 times since and have called each other a few times.
All encounters with him feel great.

The problem is that I have a fear of commitment/rejection and each 'silence' on his part feels like rejection, although when I see/call him, the message is always positive.

He has told me he is an introvert. I am an extreme extravert. I am finding the silences hard. I keep switching between 'he is just not that into me' and 'just relax, he is busy, he will contact me when he has time. It doesn't mean he is not thinking about you'

I like him. He is a decent, kind man.

Does anyone have any tips? Should I be patient and see where this will lead or cut my losses?

OP posts:
whataboutism · 18/09/2023 00:48

You've already started the list of "things getting in between". It will always be like that. At what stage are you? Are you dating each other exclusively ? Is he single for sure ? Looks like his introversion is another woman.

whataboutism · 18/09/2023 00:50

Do you have sex each time you meet? Don't answer, this is for you to know who you have in front of you.

Original poster
bumblebreath · 18/09/2023 06:41

whataboutism · 18/09/2023 00:48

You've already started the list of "things getting in between". It will always be like that. At what stage are you? Are you dating each other exclusively ? Is he single for sure ? Looks like his introversion is another woman.

He's definitely single. I've been to his house.

I have stopped dating others. I don't think he is dating anyone else, but we haven't discussed it.

OP posts:
Original poster
bumblebreath · 18/09/2023 06:43

whataboutism · 18/09/2023 00:50

Do you have sex each time you meet? Don't answer, this is for you to know who you have in front of you.

No... we have had an evening watching Netflix cuddling and kissing without sex... In fact, we have had more dates without sex than with.

Did you mean that he is only looking for sex if we had had sex each time?

OP posts:
MsFrost · 18/09/2023 06:48

So you are are just feeling unsure if he actually likes you because he's not messaging you as much as you'd like?

That's really nothing to do with being introverted, at all.

Loubelle70 · 18/09/2023 06:52

daisydaily · 17/09/2023 11:53

Absolutely! It didn't feel like it at the time but 6 months later I'm glad I walked away. Masking it as "being an introvert" was bullshit actually. He just didn't want to make any effort - he claimed he wanted a relationship with me but he wanted it all on his terms whilst offering me the crumbs of his time. My only "bad" was that I accepted it for so long!

^This.

AgentJohnson · 18/09/2023 06:55

The point of dating is to see if you are compatible, on a fundamental level you are not, move on already.

LightSpeeds · 18/09/2023 07:49

I've been in this situation before and the feelings of being rejected and wondering if that person REALLY liked me never went away. It was not good for me.

Parlourgames · 18/09/2023 07:54

How about you don’t try to work out his reasons for his communication (introvert / not into you / tired / busy) and just decide whether it’s enough for you or not? Be really straight forward about it. If it’s not making you feel special or leaving you hanging then I would say something, and if that doesn’t work then I would decide to move on.

Having said that, my partner has a different communication style to me - much more taciturn and less communicative. But I very very much knew he was into me in the early days so I was not left in doubt or hanging.

whataboutism · 18/09/2023 07:56

bumblebreath · 18/09/2023 06:43

No... we have had an evening watching Netflix cuddling and kissing without sex... In fact, we have had more dates without sex than with.

Did you mean that he is only looking for sex if we had had sex each time?

Show quote history

Yes, that would definitely be a red flag.

Loubelle70 · 18/09/2023 07:58

Parlourgames · 18/09/2023 07:54

How about you don’t try to work out his reasons for his communication (introvert / not into you / tired / busy) and just decide whether it’s enough for you or not? Be really straight forward about it. If it’s not making you feel special or leaving you hanging then I would say something, and if that doesn’t work then I would decide to move on.

Having said that, my partner has a different communication style to me - much more taciturn and less communicative. But I very very much knew he was into me in the early days so I was not left in doubt or hanging.

This. I have just had to let down a guy who wasnt forthcoming. He would endless text but not ask me on 2nd date. I got bored of that. If someone really likes you, shy or not, they'll ask you out. If not, you're not compatible

BunnyOnTheOnion · 18/09/2023 08:24

I think it's fine to go several days without texting or calling someone especially in the early days of dating. You're still deciding if the other person is compatible and if they will fit into your lifestyle.

Sounds like after he's back from holiday you could do with a chat to see if you both feel it has potential and discuss what you each like / want in terms of communication.

FloweryWowery · 18/09/2023 08:27

'He'll make time for the right person' - how generous of him.

Loubelle70 · 18/09/2023 09:03

FloweryWowery · 18/09/2023 08:27

'He'll make time for the right person' - how generous of him.

Which means he can make the effort, introvert or not

Catsafterme · 18/09/2023 18:22

Yeah I don't think this is introvert, he's just plodding and maybe just wants someone to hang out with when he's got free time?

Introverted or not, if you like someone you make the effort, especially when it comes to talking or seeing them again . If anything I would say introverted, although maybe quieter would be more inclined to commit but maybe that's just my version of introvert...

Original poster
bumblebreath · 18/09/2023 18:26

He has made an effort to see me. I think I haven't left him much room to take the lead though...

I spoke to him on the phone yesterday and mentioned I was finding it difficult. He was really surprised and said that he just doen't message when he is busy and will answer when he has the time to write a proper reply.

I'll wait and see now.

OP posts:
justwatchingtelly · 18/09/2023 18:28

BatshitCrazyWoman · 17/09/2023 13:29

I'm an introvert. I'm chatty and confident, and good at keeping in touch with people, on the phone or via text/WhatsApp. I just need alone time to recharge if I've been with a lot of people for a sustained amount of time.

This is me! I also work full time as a teacher and have 4DC.

When I get home after work, I often need 45 mins to recharge. I don't have energy to see people face to face afterwards, but I can text. (Don't call me though!)

Sometimes I don't reply to texts for a couple of days, if work has been particularly intense, or my kids (2 have ASD) but this is very rare.

However, when charged, I can entertain a room, throw an awesome party and generally shine.

(But then I need to go and lock myself in a room for several days after all that peopling!)

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