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Relationships

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Original poster

DH went back on agreement

19 replies

gutfightinghead · 16/09/2023 18:13

DH and I have a very bad relationship with his childrens’ mother I.e. his ex gf who he has a child with. We got married earlier this year and have a baby together.

We went to collect DSC yesterday and his ex’s friend was there (who’s usually there if DH’s ex wants to pass a message to DH) and I said to DH if she says anything please don’t engage. He said don’t be silly I won’t engage. When I saw the friend actually walk out of the house I again said please don’t engage and he said relax I won’t.

long story short - she came out and starting talking about an ongoing issue in court and he engaged with her on the matter back and forth. He got back into the car and I was like wtf I thought you said you wouldn’t engage and he said he couldn’t hold his tongue and to get over it and when he got home he dropped us off then stormed out because I’m upset.

I’m upset because this is the second time this week this has happened and we’ve had a row over it. Am I over reacting here?

OP posts:

Jibo · 16/09/2023 18:14

Yes, you are over-reacting. It's not about you.

Foggyfoggyfoggy · 16/09/2023 18:15

Yabu to get involved with his management of his ex..

CinnabarRed · 16/09/2023 18:17

Not your circus.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 16/09/2023 18:19

So, what about this dickhead drew you to him enough to have a child and then marry him?

You do know that you're going to be next and you will need a friend present to ensure that you're safe when he's around as well, don't you?

QueenOfTheLabyrinth · 16/09/2023 18:20

You’re being extremely controlling OP, you have no right to tell him who he can or can’t talk to. If he wants to engage then that’s his business.

Honeyroar · 16/09/2023 18:20

Why were you trying to stop him speaking with her?

GreenClock · 16/09/2023 18:23

Pathetic all round. Everyone needs to grow the hell up and put the kids first.

He and his ex need to find a way to communicate like grown ups.

Perhaps you could help him to understand that, and explain that you’d support it.

Catsafterme · 16/09/2023 18:29

Ain't your battle, if he wants to engage and potentially fuck up whatever that court situation is by engaging then let him.

Frogger8395 · 16/09/2023 18:38

and when he got home he dropped us off then stormed out because I’m upset.

When you say Us, do you mean he has left the step children with you while he’s stormed off?

Newusernameaug · 16/09/2023 19:17

You’re being the one controlling telling how to deal with the situation!

Sunshineclouds11 · 16/09/2023 19:20

I wouldn't be telling him what to do etc when it comes to an ex.
And esp if her friend is shouting her mouth off, he has to defend himself surely?

Biddie191 · 26/09/2023 13:57

He sounds - um - nice?
Worried about him storming off when you were upset

Fatmamslim · 26/09/2023 14:00

You didn’t have an agreement- you told him what to do and he decided to be his own person?

Lilyargin · 26/09/2023 14:07

I think people are being a bit harsh. He told you more than once he wouldn't engage, even told you to relax, implying you were getting het up over nothing, assured you he wouldn't, and then did the exact opposite - and then stormed off.
I would be annoyed too.

PassMeTheRedbull · 26/09/2023 16:25

Screams of jealousy, I had this issue with an ex, wasn't allowed to communicate with anything to do with my children and it actually made life so difficult as me and ex had an ok relationship before I met him, any time I received a message from ex or his mum it was world war 3 when it was purely arrangements about the kids, bullet dodged there. YABU

JoinInBetty · 26/09/2023 17:17

devisl advocate - the ex is hurting and probably has for a while and probably jealous of your relationship.

Can't you wait at home for him and child?

sounds like she'd be less aggressive if you weren't there.
Would you want your ex's relationship right in front of you? Course you wouldn't, none of us would.

GreyCarpet · 26/09/2023 17:29

PassMeTheRedbull · 26/09/2023 16:25

I read it as they had agreed he wouldn't engage with the ex's friend not that he wasn't allowed to speak to his ex about the children.

It reads to me that their are historical issues regarding the friend getting involved/shit stirring. If that's the case, asking him not to engage with the friend is perfectly reasonable. She didn't ask him not to engage with his ex.

GreyCarpet · 26/09/2023 17:37

However, what I will say, OP, is in regards to this - DH and I have a very bad relationship with his childrens’ mother

You don't need to have a relationship with his ex and she certainly doesn't need to have one with you.

Wishitsnows · 26/09/2023 17:44

Sounds like the ex has to have a friend there to speak on her behalf which raises a few flags about your partner. Why do you need to go along for pick up? Can’t see why you would demand he can’t engage with someone who’s not even his ex. It would make handover very uncomfortable for the child if it is done in silence. Not fair on the child at all.

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