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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why is parental alienation allowed to be used as a mask for domestic abuse?

7 replies

DilemmaEmma2 · 16/09/2023 15:59

I'm being gender specific here talking specifically about abuser men who use parental alienation as a rebuttal to being abusive, particularly if they have very little evidence of it.
Why is it allowed?
Almost all of the domestic abuse cases I'm aware of, the father has used parental alienation as a handy disguise rather than actually admit to being an abuser.
Why is it like this?

OP posts:
Catsafterme · 16/09/2023 16:09

Probably because it's a handy tool to continue that control and abusers don't admit their faults, do they so, any excuse to avoid that.

I'm going through it now, well I assume I am, as mine are being withheld and it's happened previously with other family members. I can't tell for sure obviously as I haven't had any contact, I don't know their views.

So, on the flip side my wife was abusive and is still controlling everything and lying, any excuse. I've got a role reversal situation going on here and I'm desperately fighting for contact and to me she is diminishing other mothers struggles.

DilemmaEmma2 · 16/09/2023 18:49

It's just bizarre how abusers can pull the PA card out without any actual evidence

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ChocHotolate · 16/09/2023 18:53

I wonder if it is to do with lack of evidence? Women are often completely understandably reluctant to contact the police after physical or sexual abuse, emotional abuse and controlling behaviour is extremely difficult to prove to the authorities at any time. So a lack of evidence against the abuser gives him the opportunities to pull of the parental alienation card. Which is also difficult to prove

user1846385927482658 · 16/09/2023 18:57

There isn't even any evidence it's a legitimate concept in the first place. But the courts are misogynistic so it gets accepted despite being bullshit.

Catsafterme · 16/09/2023 19:00

Yeah, although I'm not there yet I hear family court is a circus, so. The same could be said now where I'm apparently so dangerous I can't see my children, which isn't the case at all and there is zero evidence, and evidence contradictory to that but I gotta wait all this time until court and not see or speak to them all this time because ex says so.

I mean like I said I'm pretty sure mine is doing it as she's done it to others already but I don't think it's as common as made out. I think most mothers one, have a reason to lower contact when abusive men are concerned and two likelihood is their own behavior resulted in that view. You just have outliers where some do purposely turn children or withhold out of malice or because they are abusive themselves.

How correct PA is at it's core, I don't know as it's not really a standard is it. I'm worried about it with mine but I'm hopeful mine are switched on enough to understand as they wanted to see me last time I saw them and they've witnessed a lot.

Not right though, more evidence across the board.

DilemmaEmma2 · 17/09/2023 11:23

Family court is an abusers playground

OP posts:
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